Love and Death
by: Theresa G.

Note: This picks up right where the finale left off, except Jen's grandfather didn't die. It didn't fit in the story. It is told from Joey's POV.

Disclaimer: I do not own DC or its characters, they belong to Kevin Williamson, WB, etc. The song "Hold On" is by Sarah McLachlan.

Dawson and I slowly separated, studying each other's face for a reaction. I could not believe that I just kissed Dawson Leery, my best friend in the entire world, the guy I'd been in love with since 6th grade. It was absolutely amazing.

"Jo?" he said quietly.

"Yeah, Dawson."

"Are you..I mean..was that OK?"

Poor Dawson, always a nervous wreck when it came to girls. I decided to show him that it was OK by reaching up and kissing him again. I decided right then that I couldn't leave Dawson. I had to give up France. Love makes you do some pretty crazy things.

We kissed for a few more minutes, and then talked. He asked about France and I told him I didn't think I could go now. He wrapped me up in a tight hug.

"Thanks, Jo. I know how much this trip meant to you. But you will never know how much you mean to me, there aren't enough romantic words in the world to express that." And then he said something I'll never forget.

"You are my everything, Joey. You are my first thought when I wake up and my last thought when I go to sleep, and then you exist in my dreams. I love you, Jo."

I just melted right there, and kissed him again. That was probably the best thing I'd ever heard from anyone. I knew now that my father was right, that someone did love me. And I loved Dawson, too. I remember being there in his arms and thinking, Nothing in the world can ruin this. Dawson and I will be together forever.

The next day at school, we saw a sign that announced auditions for a talent show.

Dawson turned to me. "Hey, why don't you enter that, Jo?"

"What, are you kidding, Dawson? I have no talents," I said, making a face.

"I beg to differ with you," he said with an evil smile as he kissed me. We stood there until we heard a loud "Ahem" from behind us, and broke apart.

"Well, I see something finally knocked you two in the head," Pacey grinned. "Does this mean you two are finally gettin it on?"

"It's called tact, Pacey," Dawson retorted, still smiling. "Anyway, Jo, I really think you should enter. You were great in the pageant."

"You want me to sing in front of the entire school?"

"You did it in front of all of Capeside, why not?"

"I don't know, I'll have to see," I said, to avoid any more pleading from Dawson. "Well, I don't know about you two, but I actually plan on going to class, so I'll see you at lunch." We said our good-byes and parted ways. Me, in a talent show? Never.

,dd> "Hey guys!" I greeted Dawson, Pacey, and Jen at the lunch table, a huge grin on my face.

"Wait a second...is this Joey Potter immensely happy?" Jen joked.

"Immensely," I repeated, kissing Dawson lightly. I didn't do it on purpose, but I then realized that perhaps Jen was a tad uncomfortable with this new development. Oh, well.

"So, you two are a couple now?" Jen asked.

"That we are," Dawson smiled. He turned to me. "So, Joey, do you want to go out tonight? Pacey said he'd drive us all over to the movies."

"Sure, sounds like fun."

"Count me out," Jen interjected. "I have a major test tomorrow in English, and I'm already borderline."

"Alright, I guess it's just us 3 then," Pacey said. "I'll pick up Dawson first and then we'll come and get you at the Icehouse, Jo?"

We all agreed, and finished our lunch. Tonight should be fun, I thought.

I waited by the Icehouse, constantly checking my watch. The movie was going to start in 5 minutes, where were they?

"Joey? Joey!" someone called frantically. I turned around and saw Bessie running towards me. Was she crying? "Joey, something happened. The police just called."

"What happened?" I asked, getting worried. "Is it Alex? Bodie?"

"No, it's Pacey and Dawson. They were in a car accident tonight."

I ran into the hospital and demanded to know where they were. This isn't happening, I tried to convince myself. They're going to tell me that it was just a few scratches, and that they're both fine. But they didn't. They pointed me to the emergency wing. I ran down and found the Leerys and Pacey in a waiting room outside the ER. The Leerys were too overcome to talk to anyone. Mrs. Leery was crying, and Mr. Leery was trying to be the strong one, but anyone could see he was falling apart. Pacey had scratches on his face and a cast on his wrist.

"Tell me what happened now!" I cried as I approached Pacey, unable to control the overwhelming fear that shook me. "Are you OK? Where's Dawson?"

"I'm OK, just a little beat-up. Dawson..." he trailed off, fighting back tears. "Dawson's in the emergency room. They can't wake him up, Jo."

"Oh, God.." I covered my mouth in horror. Pacey opened his arms and I flung myself into them, needing some kind of comfort. "Dawson," I cried in whispers.

Jen came a little after I did, and the doctor came out and explained to us that Dawson was in a coma.

"I think it would do some good if you talked to him, try to break through. Mr. and Mrs. Leery, you can go in together if you like, but otherwise, only one at a time," the doctor said.

The Leerys went in, while Pacey, Jen, and I waited. "It's all my fault," Pacey whispered.

"No, it's not, Pacey," Jen reassured him. "Don't you ever say that, don't even think it. It was a drunk driver, there was nothing you could do. That bastard, I swear, I'll find him and kill him myself for what he did to Dawson," Jen sobbed.

I couldn't even speak. I tuned out everything until I suddenly heard someone call my name and shake me.

"Joey?" Pacey called gently. "You should go in to see Dawson now." I nodded and stood up.

I walked into Dawson's room, and almost ran out at the sight. All those machines, the lifeless body...it made me remember my mother. But my mother is dead...Dawson's going to live, I told myself. I collapsed, crying, into the chair beside his bed and took his hand.

"Hey, Dawson. It's Joey. Sitting here makes me realize that I didn't do something. I never actually told you in words that I love you. I do, Dawson, more than my entire being. You are everything to me, I can't lose you, Dawson. You're too important to me, and to everyone else sitting outside this room. You have to fight this, Dawson, please!" I sat there for a few more minutes, mostly just calling his name, hoping he'd hear me.

Finally, I left the room and Pacey, then Jen, went in to visit. The Leerys stayed long after Bessie brought Pacey, Jen, and I home. We all pretty much agreed quietly that we would go back tomorrow. As I lay awake that night, I realized there was something I had to do.

At school the next day, many people came up to console me. It's amazing how people treat you during a tragedy, even though some of them have never said one word to you. Most wondered why I was in school. I told them I was only staying half the day to take a test. That really wasn't the reason, but anything to get them off my case. They meant well, but I just wasn't in the mood. As soon as I could, I went into the school office and asked about the talent show.

I visited Dawson every day, but I couldn't break through. I felt like I was dying inside. I told him how much I loved him, how much we all needed him. I told him that we were all walking around like zombies, and we missed him intensely. I told him I'd joined the talent show, just for him. Sometimes Dawson would twitch his hand, and I kept looking up into his face, hoping he'd open his eyes for just one second, but he never did. Then the night of the talent show came.

I watched everyone's acts half-heartedly, and waited for them to announce my name. I had to keep myself together, I had to do this for Dawson.

I walked out onto the stage in a black dress, and I could almost sense the sadness that came over the school, knowing what I was going through, empathizing with me. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and began:

Hold on, hold on to yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on, hold on to yourself
You know that only time can tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
This isn't easier than the real thing
My love, you know that you're my best friend
You know that I'd do anything for you
My love, let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I...
At the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we will see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile across your face
Oh, God, if you're out there, won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
Oh God, the man I love is leaving
Won't you take him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
At the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we will see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow
And we'll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile across your face
Hold on, hold on to yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell

As I finished, I think many were surprised at the depth of the song I had chosen, but it was all for Dawson. They stood up, a few girls with teary eyes, and they applauded.

"Hey, Dawson," I said, as I walked into his room after the show. I told him all about the song and the standing ovation. "I did it all for you, Dawson. Can't you please just do one thing for me and open your eyes?"

His hand twitched. I watched his eyes in spite of myself... they opened.

"Jo?" he said weakly.

"Yeah, Dawson, it's me," I smiled through tears.

"What happened?"

"You were in a car accident with Pacey," I explained.

"Pacey? Is he OK?" Dawson asked, concerned.

"Pacey's fine, it's you that's been worrying us all. You were in a coma for over a week."

"A coma?" he said. He started to drift back off, but I wouldn't let him.

"No, Dawson, keep your eyes open, I have to go get the doctor. Don't you go anywhere," I joked.

As I was walking out, he grabbed my hand lightly. "Joey?"

"Yeah, Dawson?" I smiled.

"I love you. I'll be right here..." he smiled. And his eyes closed.

I called his name over and over, willing him to open his eyes again, but I knew it wouldn't happen. "Dawson, I love you, too. Please don't leave me, Dawson," I cried. But he already had.

It's been two years since Dawson died. People keep telling me to move on, that time has passed and Dawson wouldn't want me to be depressed for so long. They have no idea what Dawson would want. They don't know how this feels.

They don't know how it feels to miss someone so much that you want to kill yourself just to get rid of the pain. To lay down and cry every night, begging for a second chance that you know you'll never get. To feel like every hope you've ever had in the world is gone, vanished in a second, and you can't do anything about it. To love someone so much that it physically scares you. It tears you apart, and makes you hate the world for doing this to you. It makes you give up on everything you've ever believed in.

They don't know how this feels. They don't know Dawson, or what he would want. How can they ask me to give up something, when I feel like that something is the only thing I have to hold on to? I'll never let go of you, Dawson.

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