 |
|
Enjoy your stay Thanx for visiting |
 |
 |
|
|
Enjoy your stay Thanx for visiting |
|
|
~ Without A Parachute ~
Life is funny that way. Sometimes you feel that faint security blanket of your parents, behind you every other step of the way. They may not be there physically, but spiritually, you casually lean on them to be your life-coach, your mentor, your guide in some little way, to help you do the things you do. Let's face it, we have all asked for our parent's blessings on some things, even if it was just a head-nod, smile, or hug of approval or the silent lack of disapproval. It may be subtle, (oh so subtle) and yes, it may have been far and few between, the times you can remember the support of your parents, but it has been there when you expected it, and sometimes needed it. Then, there are times that you feel alone, fighting every personal battle ahead of you, as if you were the only sane person on the planet. It is times like this, especially now after the loss of my second parent, that I feel I am flying without a parachute.
I am not sure whether this is one of those "life-crisis" experiences, one that all the world-reknowned psychologists and "self-help gurus" talk about, or just a time of mourning and grief for both my mom and dad. People have asked me how I feel, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am lost for words. All I know, is that I have done a lot of soul-searching lately, and for the first time in my life, I feel all "grown-up". This is no longer, part of the little, annoying (but amusing), ongoing expectations of your parents (the ones that come up at the family dinner table)... There won't be any more little lectures, or reassurances that what I am doing is on, or off, the right track. It is time to venture into uncharted, untested territory. No-one that I know of right now, will be watching out for me.
I think most of us, have a place in our own little worlds, that we find peace. It is our safe-house, our sanctuary, our escape from reality. Some find it spending time with their children. Others find it through hobbies or sports or reading. Some find it with family. I believe we all have it, in one form or another. This is the "thing" that I now have to find all over again. Part of my sanctuary has been taken away. I had no idea how much my parents really meant to me, until after they both died. I still, to this day, feel a sense of connection to my parents, just because of who I am and the fact that they created me and loved me, all those years, without reservation. I believe that my love for them will never change. It is now a matter of relying solely on myself to be my mentor, judge and jury for all the things I do with my life from now on. This is very different and for some reason, I feel a little uneasy about it. One day I hope to find my sanctuary again, somewhere.
It is a very interesting experience to now feel the world as being much smaller and much more focused. Other family members like nieces and nephews have all of a sudden, become way more important and more precious. We talk of plans to have reunions, not to be so distant from each other, to be better to each other, to carry-on family traditions, despite everything. There is a sense of urgency to stay together and to talk more between brothers and sisters, that rarely had time for each other before this. It is such a shame, that it takes something like this to motivate families to be together. I have promised many family members that I will stay in touch regularly.
I am so lucky that I was able to spend time with my parents right up to the very last days. I will have fond memories that are peaceful and pleasant. For that, I will be always very grateful. I hope the rest of my life will be as fulfilling.
Pure and simple...
 |
 |
[HOME]
[Philosophy]
[Storyworx]
[MusicRoom]
[BMG News]
[MAIL]
[About Me]
[Awards]
[Favorites]
[Hobbies]
- This Storyworx page updated November 10th, 1998 -