ON THE VALUE OF HONESTY
Anna's inner self image:
"I am a brash and direct individual with no tolerance for casual or societal oppression. Put crudely, I do not put up with anyone's shit, nor am I a bigot in any sense. You can always rely on a candid, considered answer from me. I am a Warrior Queen, immovable, irresistible."
"I am a loving and compassionate person, ever desirous of joy and happiness for the loving family and boundless universe about me. Every pang of pain and burst of ecstacy felt by others about me resonates through my very core, I overflow with the raw emotional energy of what is about me. I cry in desperate sadness, become giddy in the face of laughter, an explosive volcano in anger. You can always rely on me to Love, without condition, even those who I cannot bear to be near, as I draw nearer to them. I am your lover, mother, sister, right hand, most trustworthy friend."
Never in my life have I wanted to hurt anyone by anything I've said or done. My candor comes from a core personality structure of mine. I feel that to not take risks with those around you and avoid being truthful with them about your feelings and what you see is an ultimate cruelty and cowardice. To me, a direct, honest response is the greatest gift one human can give another.
Unfortunately, our society has conditioned us to avoid honesty - particularly self-honesty (our best tool for growth) at all costs. It is impolite to be direct (at best). Many people in my past have accused me of being some kind of she-demon due to my directness. So I've learned to contain my "gift" to those who appreciate it. After all, a tree root growing above ground has no more malice than I. Yet if you are caught unaware and trip on it, it can bruise and be painful. I've never spoken a malicious word, but I have more ex-friends than friends. Please keep in mind, however, that I never say anything with the intent to hurt. And you do not have to agree. All I ever ask is that you consider the perspective I present and look to garner something useful out of it. Ironically, where I've offended people the most, I wasn't "accusing" them of anything - much less saying they'd done anything wrong.
What don't you like about the picture/mirror I hold up? It is only a picture that was purely subjective from where on the crystal I sat. I cannot see your perspective, so cannot know the best choices for you. But you take what I say far too personally. All I've ever really wanted is feedback from the other side. From your side, to see me through you, the universe in your eyes. Its so lonely here in my tiny little separate corner of reality. So different from all of you.
Imagine two cave explorers - the one the left (call him "Joe") calls out a warning to his friend, the adventurer on the right (Charlie). Joe is sure Charlie is ready to tumble off an edge into a deep chasm. But Charlie can see the lip below and knows that he is completely secure.
So - should Charlie be angry and defensive? After all - he's not an idiot, and knows as much about spelunking as his friend, Joe. How could Joe be so insulting? How dare Joe tell him what to do or how to live his life?
This is, of course, ridiculous. Charlie would just call back a simple message that gave Joe the knowledge he lacked - a ledge exists below and out of his sight.
What about Joe? Would Joe fret about telling Charlie his concerns about Charlie's safety? Would he be afraid to be intrusive into Charlie's "Life Process?" Afraid of giving unwanted advice?
No, Joe would do whatever was required to protect his friend's safety and relate information that was potentially vital to Charlie's life and safety. When he heard about the ledge, his relief would be audible and welcome.
So why is it different when those we love are endangered by less obvious, but equally deadly life situations and self-destructive behaviors (eating disorders, health habits, destructive relationships, drug abuse, drunk driving) either real or perceived.
I am not my "brothers' keeper", but from the standpoint of Concept of Oneness, his life is as important as is my own. His life is as my own. He and I are One. As I am the One, his loss is mine, as keenly as if he were my arm or foot, or I his. I/we grieve.
BUT WHAT IF . . .
The rationality monster raises its horrid head.
Does this mean I should (a clue) do everything I can to:
Keep my loved ones from any and all harm, discomfort, hearing what they don't want to...?
This rationale is the way we set up for the other extreme of dishonesty.
1.)This is not an excuse to be a controlling busybody. We all know the difference between a scraped knee and a life threatening fall off a cliff.
2.)This also is not an excuse to be self-destructive in order to avoid upsetting others. Harming yourself to pander to another's egocentric temper-tantrums or demand (or more kindly in certain situations to avoid further injury to someone already in pain, real or perceived) is still creating harm to the One.
In each of these cases the Tantric Buddhists have a name for it that is self-explanatory:
It is so hard in our society to maintain this perspective, as our current social culture avoids this kind of honesty at all costs. I've always found benefit in it, though. It ultimately leads me back to you, my beloved.
Anna
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