by: Cerridwen C. Johnson
Cerridwencolleen@juno.com
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Being a college witch...
Mastering a banishing pentagram to dispel your hangover on Saturday morning. And Sunday morning, and Tuesday morning...
All your Circles end up as keggers... or is it all your keggers end up as Circles?
Invoking the Watchtowers before playing Drunk Man Up...
Getting asked by all your teachers not to doodle in the margins on tests, then having your Medieval World teacher (who just happened to major in ancient Nordic languages) give you extra credit and correct your grammar on the protection and luck runes you use for each test.
Instead of BYOB parties, you have BYOW - and it had better not be some cheapo s*** either (bring your own wine)
Breaking out before the frat party because it turns out last weekend those nerds you kicked out of your party were advanced CM.
Being weary of who you let in to the frat house on full moons because that last guy wasn't kidding when he said those horns were real...
Having a bunch of the third floor jocks beat you up because you didn't invite them to that wild Halloween party in your dorm room last nite.
Having the local basketball team show up for initiation right before playoffs...
Getting hired by the chemistry department because they just know the biology department has put a hex on all their equipment...
Never getting used to the fact that one of the Medieval History books is the Malleus Malificarum.
Hiding for a week every fall because the European History class wants to do an "authentic 13th century witch trial" for the history pagent and you swear someone is following you.
"I won't be in class this Friday because it is a holy day of obligation" excuse good for xians 3 times a year. Good for you every month!
"I'm sorry but I can't read this book because it is against my religion" being a legitimate excuse for not reading Bede's Eccleisiastical History of the English People.
Explaining to the RA that you are exempt from the no candles/incense/smoking rule because the First Amendment protects you.
Having every smoker on campus trying to room with you.
Getting into a fight with one of your coveners over which brand of tekila the god's prefer as a libation (it's cheaper than good wine, and you know they would get pissed by the el cheapo brand), then having a third point out they obviously prefer coors because that is all that is left after you initiated the football team.
Having your structural engineer major covener come up with a new circle design every month that he is sure will enhance the energy flow.
Realizing you probably should have paid more attention in chemistry last week when you learned how to clean up chemical spill after your Latin major HPS (who flunked her last 3 tests) mispronounced a word and now you have something that just ate your lab partner and smells like what you spilled to initiate the class on how to clean up a chemical spill.
Having an altar made of used pizza boxes.
Ramen noodles, easy mac and beer being the traditional cakes and wine.
Having a scrying session every Saturday night to try and get the answers to next weeks tests.
"Using a pendulum for multiple choice tests: is it cheating?" being an acceptable topic for your ethics midterm paper.
Getting kicked out of philosophy because your teacher tried to use the three-fold law to explain behaviorism when everyone knows it is obviously utilitarian.
Trying to convince your friend that Mills was a Gardnarian, even though he died long before Gardner was ever born, and having your physics major covener support you with some weird equations. Either that or he's talking in tongues, you can never tell.
Failing your social psychology exam because "using a banishing pentagram is not an accepted method of dispercing a mob."
Arguing that the karma attached to a curse on a computer and grade book is less than the "karma" you are going to get if your parents find out about that F.
Debating weather or not that "A" in international relations is worth having your teacher in your coven.
Realizing that initiating the dean of student affairs was the smartest thing you ever did. Now if you could just figure out a way to get around the whole year-and-a-day thing so you can elevate the financial aide office and get your student loans "paid in full".
Having to constantly explain that, no you are not Dianic, you just attend an all girls college.
Going to Goodwill because you heard they had robes that were in your price range, and not only do they only carry white, but they all have these weird hoods...(only good in MO)
Wishing you had taken all those contracts to put a curse on Professor Smith last semester now that you are in her calculus class.
Spending all semester perfecting the mathematical equation that proves astral projection only to be told by your physics teacher that that prime is actually some chocolate someone was eating that dropped. (see if you ever get a used book again!!)
Disproving Skinner because of that time in a skyclad circle when someone knocked over the censer in your lap...
On the other hand, validating Hobbes because of your creation story.
Realizing that gossip in a residence hall travels twice as fast than in the pagan community. On the up side, it doesn't really have time to get as vicious.
Trying to attach a keyboard to your crystal ball because the mindlessness of typing a term paper gets you in the relaxed brains state optimal for divination.
Dropping a class because the windows were in the wrong direction.
To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson 
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
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