YOU KNOW YOUR COVEN'S GETTING OLDER WHEN ...

by: unknown

* The ritual feast is puréed.

* Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.

* The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled

* Viagra is kept in the coven supplies

* The maiden of the coven is a grandmother

* The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators

* The coveners drive their RV's to Scottsdale for Mabon

* When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset

* It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron

* The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon

* You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper

* You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual

* You drop your teeth in the ritual cup

* At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.

* You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can't remember why.

* You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.

* You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.

* All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed

* Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.

* A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.

* No one's successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.

* When the coven sings, "Creak and groan, creak and groan . . ."

* When you set comfy chairs around the circle.

* When you sit on the floor and can't get up again.

* you do anointings with Aspercreme.

* You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.

* You don't use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.

* You use a walker during the Wild Hunt

* You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.

* You need a flashlight to find the candles.

To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717