Date: Winter Solstice, 2009
Subject: Notes And Guidelines

Dear Potential Initiate/Potential Guest:

Thanks for humbly requesting to be initiated by/circle with me, Lady GorgeousCeltickPrincesseFaerieQueeneGoddesseAromatherapyChilde and/or my consort, Lord FurryCuteLittleDancingBambiHornedGodde.

Please be aware that our tradition has Notes and Guidelines which all are required to follow. These Notes and Guidelines (N&G( are Tip-Top-Secret High-Priestess- and-Priest-Level Knowledge, of course, so you cannot be advised of the contents of any of the N&G except after you have broken that Note or Guideline, in which case your instruction on N&G will take place on the spot and will consist of immediate and permanent expulsion.

Please also be aware that pre-initiation/pre-visit preparation will include the performance of a background check, including especially an exhaustive and magickally empowered combing of /a/ your search-history on Google and other search-engines (especially your search-history for terms related to Wicca) and /b/ any other Internet manifestations of yours over the years.

Your background check (conducted by several mighty hackers among our most trusted Second Degrees) began upon our coven's receipt of your request -- part of this background check has *already* been completed. The rest will remain in progress until an undetermined moment very shortly before your initiation/visit, at which time you will be personally informed whether your initiation/visit can take place.

Special Note to all potential initiates/potential visitors on whom we absolutely cannot dig up any dirt whatsoever, but whom we would like to exclude anyway - - in the rare and unexpected event of an absolutely, positively squeaky-clean background-check for a person we would prefer to exclude, Lord FurryCute will cast that individual's horoscope and look at it really, really hard (using several astrological systems until *something* unfavorable turns up: some astro-karmic indication of ... oh, I don't know ... a past life as an Inquisition spy, perhaps, or anything else uncheckable and/or unremediable that may seriously displease the Goddess and God: we never know in advance just *what* the stars will reveal!). So far, Lord FurryCute's cosmic scrutiny has never failed.

Blessed Be -- we'll see you in circle! (If we -- er, The Gods -- permit ... )

Yours in loving, peaceful goodness and harmoniously natural niceness everywhere, Lady GorgeousCeltickPrincesseFaerieQueeneGoddesseAromatherapyChilde and/or my consort, Lord FurryCuteLittleDancingBambiHornedGodde.

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From: Lady Gullveig
To: Lotta Greenbax, student

Dear Lotta --

Thanks for attending our coven's open event last evening, and thanks also for inquiring about initiation. To have such a request considered, please arrive five minutes early (NOT "Pagan Standard Time") at the next open event in order to hand me a sealed envelope containing a print-out of your current bank balance as well as an itemized list of any possible sources of loans. (This carries great spiritual importance, as the first sign of your commitment to helping the Old Ways regain all the wealth, power, and privilege that were stolen and destroyed in the Burning Times!)

If the above numerological aspects of your personal information permit, your formal pre-initiation "year and a day" of studies can commence immediately upon receipt of the above. In the event of exceptionally favorable numerological data, there may even exist the possibility of calculating the "year and a day" on the basis of dog years (1 year of a dog's life = approximately 1/7 years of a human's life, or 52 days) in honor of the sacred hounds that attend Diana. This re-calculation, if applicable in your case, should help keep your initiatic endeavors from interfering with travel/vacation plans which you indicated might pose a concern for you.

Again, thanks for attending our open event; we look forward to seeing more of you -- particularly if the God and Goddess smile upon our forthcoming numerological calculations of your suitability. (Please note that the God and Goddess smile particularly widely upon large quantities of small, unmarked bills.)

Blessed Be, Lady Gullveig

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From: Lady Vegana EcoChild
To: Kitty Katlover

Date: January 30, 2009
Subject: care of our animal companions

Dear Kitty --

It's a good thing I bumped into you in the supermarket buying cat food yesterday. My priestessly intuition tells me it was the Goddess' way of letting me know that you feed your cats on -- GASP! HORRORS! -- foods that contain meat, meat by-products, and other animal protein. Thank the Goddess that I found this out before Imbolc -- just in time to cancel your scheduled ascent to Second Degree.

If you do want to make it to Second -- eventually -- please remember that the ancient Celts and all our other Pagan ancestors throve for millennia (which is either thousands of years or millions of years, I forget exactly) on a diet of herbs and tofu. (The same, therefore, necessarily applied to their cats.)

I know that, like most people, you have pyrobably encountered some so-called "veterinarians" and "biologists" and other officially anointed "experts" of the Western industrial-academic-corporate-capitalist power-over paradigm who would have you believe that cats and other so-called "carnivorous" creatures somehow "need" meat in order to stay alive and well. What a slander on our sweet, loving Goddess to insinuate that She, the Great Mother of All Things Cute and Cuddly, could have intended some of Her children to actually hunt, kill, and eat other children of Hers!

I feel that meat-eating was invented by the Abrahamic faiths, and then they sent out their missionaries to corrupt not only Her human children but also Her other children-- the beasts and birds and fish. Feeding meat to cats and other animal companions is symbolic of how the repressed, authoritarian (and therefore Christian) empire of ancient Rome fed Wiccans to the lions. And grilling a steak is obviously symbolic of grilling people AT the stake!

Understanding it in this way feels so right and natural to my spirit (and therefore to your spirit, if your heart is really attuned to the Goddess) that I am absolutely sure it must be true. Here, let me write it down in our coven's Book of Shadows before I forget.

Blessed Be,
Meat = The Inquisition,
and NEVER AGAIN THE BURGER!
-- Lady Vegana EcoChild

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To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717

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