†Ethan's House†
Our Angel.....
Sydnie Claire
March 24th, 1993 to June 14th, 1997
Sydnie Claire was a precious little girl. She was very active and managed to get into everything that she wasn't supposed to!! Sydnie was full of character and fun to be around. She had a giggle that was contagious. A spark in her eyes that would make anyone smile. She was definitely mommy's little sunshine!
She started talking at just under a year old and never stopped! We're from South Louisiana in the heart of Cajun Country. She had the cutest little accent and deep husky voice stemming from our Cajun roots. I guess that's where she came up with "Brulla" for her brother Martin. She couldn't manage "brother". Then one day she realized "Martin" was easier to say and "Brulla" wasn't used again. And then there's "Sitney Clara" that's how she'd say Sydnie Claire. Precious. Just precious.
Sydnie was always doing things her way, when she wanted, how she wanted. "Me do it meself" was one of the first sentences she said! She potty trained herself at 22 months old. If I had been ready, she would've done it at 18 months old, but I discouraged her, I just wasn't ready. Well at 22 months she was with or without Mommy.
Sydnie started this life not very afraid of anything or anyone. As she got older she'd pick and choose who she would talk to and who she'd be shy around. It was funny to see my very outgoing little girl suddenly get shy or afraid of some things.
She loved flowers, rainbows and the color purple. She really loved all colors, but something about purple she really liked. Skittles were one of her favorite candies. Although she'd eat anything sweet that you'd give her. Especially cake icing. She'd eat 3 "pieces" of cake and eat every morsel of icing, handing back the cake part for me too eat!
Sydnie was the light of my life. I could talk about her all day...
We had gone to visit one of my high school girlfriends, a spur of the moment decision I'll regret for the rest of my life. Our kids loved playing together, and we hadn't seen them in a few months and they were excited to go there. My friend has an above the ground pool, which I don't, so I was very naive as far as safety goes with a pool in the backyard. I guess I assumed the gate would be properly closed and locked. The last person who had gone swimming left the gate opened, therefore unlocked. I went to check on the kids every 10 minutes or so like I ALWAYS do when we go somewhere. Sydnie had just been in the front yard playing with the other children. She wasn't there. I had this sick feeling where I'd find her, I was right. I found my baby floating in the pool. I froze where I stood and just screamed with ever fiber of my being. The paramedics never got a heartbeat. My baby died in that pool. So did I.
A part of me died when Sydnie died. Every aspect of my life has changed. I'm not as outgoing as I used to be. I tend to keep to myself and don't seek many outside activities. I'm apprehensive of everything and everyone new in my life. I doubt myself and my ability as a parent. I can no longer say "it won't happen to me" because it HAS. I know all to well a "parents worse nightmare" because it happened to me! I can no longer relax when I go anywhere with my surviving child. I panic when he's out of sight and when I can't hear him. I have to fight myself to try not to smother him with my protectiveness. I have a hole in my heart that will be there until my dying day.
Sydnie's death has brought my husband and I very much closer. I thank God for that. I hear so often that many parents split after such a traumatic event as losing a child. We're attending a weekend retreat in May of 98 and will start trying to conceive a baby. I believe that Sydnie has been looking over us and bringing us close. Martin and I are closer, but he gets aggravated with me sometimes because I don't let him do like I should. He seems to be adjusting well, but has his moments. We attend a grief support group for siblings who have lost siblings. This gives him a place to be himself and share his feelings. I've seen a big difference in him. He misses his little sister terribly. They were best friends and played together all the time. Sure they fought, too, but isn't that what being brothers & sisters is all about? I know how deeply I hurt losing my child, a part of me. I can only imagine what it is like to lose your best friend and little sister.
Copyright 1997,98 Ethans House, Inc.
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