Disclaimer: The characters "Buffy" and "Xander" are the property of Joss'n'Them. Please don't sue. :)
This is a piece of bribery fluff written for Saffy to put up on her webpage, if she ever finishes it. (ahem)
It's set on a slow night in Sunnydale between "Homecoming" and "Revalations."
I'm watching her. She's dancing with some guy, and her blonde hair is flying around
behind her head, like a halo. I smile, remembering what it was like seeing her for the first time,
that same halo effect when she dropped her bookbag.
"Can I have you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Uh...can I help you?"
And then later, her blue jacket, her state of panic.
"I hope he's not a *vampire*; because then you might have to *slay* him."
"We don't find her, there's gonna be one more dead body in the morning."
More memories fly at me...her rejection at prom Sophomore year; her Sugar Water
dance at the Bronze; the Judge's hand at her throat; her smile as she ribs me about dating
Cordelia; the look of determination on her face as she goes off to fight Angel for the final time;
the tears coursing down her cheeks at her Welcome Home party as I yell at her; her smile now
as she trots back to the table.
And then it hits me -- I'm over her.
And it's really okay that I am. Over her, you know.
I mean, this thing with me and Willow -- how long can we keep it secret before
someone figures out we're falling in love? Buffy will be the first to notice...she's our best friend. I
wouldn't really have it any other way.
Xander's smiling again. Not a normal smile, his secret smile...the smile he's got when he's
thinking about someone special to him. Cordie, probably.
Xander Harris and Cordelia Chase. Who would have thought it? The Biggest Dork on
Earth and the Prom Queen of Bitchiness, dating? I guess it had to happen eventually...there's
always been a spark between them. Lots of chemistry, lots of lust...lots of jumping hormones.
I'm jealous.
Their relationship is as close to normal as any of us will ever get.
At least Cordie's human. Mostly.
I mean, Will's learning witchcraft and dating a werewolf.
"I'm having dating...I'm having serious dating. With a werewolf, and I'm studying
witchcraft..."
Willow's grown up so much since we met. And that's sad, 'cause she was already more
grown up than Xander or I was at the time.
Xander's staring at me again.
"Ah...Xand?" I wave my hand in front of his eyes.
"Huh? Wha? Buff...hi." He jumps, startled.
"Hi Xander," I laugh. "Got something on your mind?"
"Uh...no..why would there be anything on my mind?" He stutters and does that funny
thing with his smile...it's almost, oh, what's the word?...self-depreciating, I think. That thing he
does with his mouth that says, 'Hey, I'm just a moron.' "I mean, I have no mind to speak of,
Buff, so how could there be anything on it?"
"Now I know you're thinking about something." I smirk widely as I lead him to my
punchline.
"What? How?"
"Not even your jokes are that lame." I smile more genuinely and take his hand. "Come
on. It's just us..Cordy and Will are studying for that history test, Oz is on-stage and won't be
back for awhile...we have the time to talk, I've got the ears to listen."
Xander's smile fades and he looks away from me.
So do I tell her what I'm thinking? That I'm thinking about Willow? About how she's the
only girl I want to be with, and that since her lips touched my lips all I want to do is get her
alone...possibly naked? That I can't stop thinking about the fluke, and I'm sick in love with my
best friend, but that I like Cordy too much to want to hurt her? That I know Oz is going to want
to kick my ass...but I want to be with Willow so much it hurts?
"You what?" Buffy says, shocked.
Oh my god, I said it out loud.
"I said," I raise my voice over the crowd, and really articulate,"I want to be with
Willow to pick some new shirts!"
Buffy rolls her eyes, grabs my arm, and drags me out onto the dance floor. "Whatever."
I know she doesn't believe me.
She doesn't want to.
Good.
I knew it! I knew there was something going on between Will and Xand. I mean, there
have been signs for days -- the way they've been standing too close to each other, and touching,
and making excuses to be alone together...
They're in some deep shit.
She knows. Oh god. She knows, and she's dragging me outside to talk about it. Her
palms are sweaty as she tugs on my arm, and I can tell by the way her lips are twitching that
she's just a little nervous about the coming discussion.
Oz comes over and says he's got one more set to go, and Buffy tells him that we're
gonna go for a frozen yogurt and a quick sweep through the park, and we'll be back when it's
over to get him. We all have English papers due tomorrow, and Buff and I want Oz to look at
ours. We also promised Willow we'd make sure he did his.
So we leave, and Oz smiles and waves.
The poor bastard.
Poor Oz. What's he gonna do when he finds out about Xander and Willow? He's gonna
flip, that's what's gonna happen. And what's Giles going to think?
Giles will blame Xander for "leading Willow astray". Sometimes I wonder about that
man and why the hell am I even thinking about him? Talk about all work and no play Buffy.
Oz, now. He's gonna kill Xander.
And as soon as we get far away from the Bronze, I tell him so.
"Oz is gonna kill you, you know."
Yeah, Buff, thanks for reminding me.
"Oz?" I say. "What about Cordy?"
"Yeah," Buffy nods. "She's gonna kill you, too."
"And Willow?" I say. "Cordy's probably going to kill her, too."
Buffy nods again, and links her arm through mine. "You know where to find me if you
need to talk about it. Or to get some combat tips."
"Gee, thanks, Buff."
She smiles again, and tilts her head in that adorable, I'm-schmoozing-you way she has,
and says. "No vamps out, so I'm buying the yogurt. How does a triple-fudge banana split sound
to you?"
I grin and follow her to the TCBY. She really knows how to make me feel better.