The Great Xander Debate

Saffron, one of my 'net buddies, sent me an email about Season 3, Episode 2 of BTVS -- "Dead Man's Party" -- specifically, Xander's blowup with Buffy in the living room just before the Zombies attack.

Dianna,

I think I need a shrink or something..I never thought it would be possible to get so wrapped up in a tv show...but tonight...I've never been so furious with erm, fictional characters before. Not even in Becoming, when everyone else (seemingly) was out for Xander's blood. Cos I have a soft spot for the Xandman and everything..but oh..tonight's ep---I wanted to hurt him so badly. I mean..what's with the hormonal arrogant bratty machisimo crap?!? I've never been so repulsed since the entire Angelus as a big bully months.....i was like this close to joining the Beat Xander till he cries like a baby coalition, then I realized the loony bin was beckoning me and managed to calm down to this conclusion. Joss is evil. Joss has warped the sweet lovable slightly gawky but damn cute Xander into this horrid muscle shirt wearing, Cordelia face smashing teenage Lothario wannabe.
Almost makes me want to write an Angel marries Buffy and they have kids and live happily ever after story. Almost.

----Saffy,
who is seriously considering getting a pet gerbil just so she can watch the wheel turning.

And my reply:

Hiya, Saffy!

I think Xander had a point....Buffy shouldn't have left! They were out putting their lives on the line, essentially doing her job, when they shouldn't have had to, because none of them were the Slayer. Now, granted, Buffy had some Angel issues, but she left without explaining what happened, never called, didn't come back. It's only natural the 'ettes be upset. And Xander's always been (with the exception of Cordelia) the most tactless character in the show -- remember that outburst in the library in Becoming 2 -- "Angel should die" etc. --
Buffy didn't want to hear that, either, but I thought Xander was right then, too.
I think that Xander, as a character, has really evolved from the sweet, dorky, tactless kid, to a sweet, intelligent, sensitive man who had to grow up way too fast. Kudos to Nick Brendon for a fine performance in a not-exactly-sterling script.

December 1st, 1998
And this is a message I recieved from Packer79, regarding Xander's behavior in the last few weeks:

First of all I think some of Xander's actions dealing with Angel In "beauties and beasts" was ridiculous. The berating he gave Buffy was unnecesary and damaging. I lose it when people rip me apart like that. And she didn't even know about what would happen if Angel got a happy. And then going off and trying to kill Angel, when he knew what that would probably do to Buffy. I think the main motivation for his "I'm being a jerk and don't know it" behavior was the fact he still wants Buffy when he knows she'll never reciprocate his feelings for her. And don't even make me talk about him and Willow. Lets put it metaphorically: he'd have to climb Mt. Everest to get to our favorite redheaded hacker's shoes. Then suddenly liking or I should say lusting for her because she puts on some damn mature dress. God, I'm really getting this mad over a fictional character's worst epitome of teenage male behavior.
(from Packer79@aol.com)

And my rebuttal:
Subtitled: I can't believe I'm backing up Xander...

Okay, first off, the ep where Xander follows Angel was called "Revalations", not "Beauties and Beasts." B&B was the episode where Scott Hope's friend, Pete, was mauling people over that Debbie chick.
Second, Xander is a teenage male whose hormones have gotten the better of him -- yet again. Witness Cordelia, Ampata, Miss French...I'm sure there are more. His lust for Willow was bound to happen -- it was a question of him looking at her but not really seeing her. When he did, sparks flew. Welcome to high school, my friend. Shit like that happens all the time.
And you're absolutely right: it isn't fair. Buffy, Cordy, Oz, Willow...even Giles and Xander himself have all suffered because of Xander's rash actions in the past.
Xander explained himself when he went to kill Angel. Remember?
Buffy: You're looking for any excuse you can to hurt him (Angel).
Xander: An excuse? I think lots of dead people actually constitues a reason!
And Xander was right; for all the Scoobys knew, Angel was still "Mr. Killing Spree", and he had that mitten-thingamabob. Angelus+Glove=VERY BAD THINGS. Since Buffy hadn't exactly been forthcoming about Angel's mental state, it was only natural that everone react the way they did.
Sorry, Packer76, I can't back you up on your statement. I'm glad you sent it in, though, because I pretty much figured no one would read this page. And I can totally understand where you're coming from. Xander can be a really insensitive asshole most of the time. Yes, he doesn't deserve Willow, yes, he's been a prick to Buffy.
Problem is, he's right about Buffy's behavior.She was wrong to keep Angel's stauts from him, and she did need an intervention.(Thank you, Mr. Giles!)
And the only thing worse than an asshole is an asshole who's right.
Again, many kudos to the cast and crew of BTVS for giving us ever so much to obsess about. ^_^

Wait, there's more! (Late December '98)

Okay,
Gotta agree with a little bit of everybody right now. I mean, yeah, Buffy shouldn't have left, but, as she said, by the time Xander was yelling at her for it she had already repented and acknowledged her mistake. Then the whole Xander being a jerk thing can go two ways, too. yes, Buffy was wrong to keep things from the Scooby gang, but Xander was beyond mean in the way he pointed it out. If Buffy had ever said something like that about the loves of his life (a.k.a. Cordy or Willow) he would have thrown a fit the size of...something really big! Although, knowing Xander like we obsessive fans do, we should expect it by now. Let's face it; he's not exactly tact-guy. Thanks, and I think that we all appreciate and thank the cast of BtVS to much to blow this thing really out of proportion. buffYgirl

(eacm@peppersnet.com)

And from a fellow GASPer...

I must say, I've often felt ambivalent about Xander, but I don't think he deserves the trashing he's been getting. Yes, he's brash and hormonal, but with the glove incident he stopped to tend to Giles and was willing to acknowledge evidence that he was wrong. Sure, the Willow/Xander moments were extremely immature, but he's a teenage male, what do you expect? His messy breakup with Cordelia was more than punishment enough,and seems to be forcing him to finally realise the effects of his foolishness. A little time girlfriendless should do him good, but all in all I think he's a fallible human being doing very well with the screwy hand life has dealt him.

-Kate Fitzsimons, an ASH-Gasper for once defending Xander

fitzrose@email.msn.com

So what do you think? Do you want to get in on this debate? Add your two cents! I'll post them here as well.

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