The Heresy'o'Matic 200™ Created by Shaun Aisbitt Generate incredible heresies and prove them right! You're just a click away from excommunication!
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In order to understand why I made this proposition it is necessary to grasp the the fact that Homer Simpson is a prophet. I'm weird. Origami is satanic. reality is a myth. there has never been a dog theologian. there are 7ft tall men living on the moon. Furthermore, it must also be recognized that crystals must not be eaten, harmonicas are satanic, there is a Papal Action Man doll, Belgians cannot surf, chickens cannot have a lisp, Mary Poppins is Kabbalastic, and therefore he she they it should be Burrrrnnnedddd in Hellllllll!!!. forced to yodel. taught to play the accordian. elected as the true head of the one true Church. This is very important, as it leads to accepting the second truism that dancing the Macerana Sumo Wrestling clog dancing arm wrestling juggling greased frogs is the only true form of worship, is the proper way to elect church leaders, is demonic, stops all disputes in church, is Scriptural, but unfortunately the church hasn't grasped this fact yet. Meditating on and recognizing this truth helps us to clarify the second point that The Book of Mormon The Watchtower Science and Health with a key to the Scriptures Noddy goes mushroom picking The Mr Magoo Colouring Book Big Bird's sayings divination by chicken entrails can only be described as equal to Scripture. worthy of replacing the Scriptures. heretical. deep and meaningful. of great spiritual worth. messy. Therefore points one and two being seen to be in agreement because they are reflected in real life by observing Mr Spock Jean Claude VanDamme the Easter bunny the Tooth Fairy Barney the Purple Dinosaur as being the revelator of this truth. This was communicated to me by spirits listening to the Teletubbies songs backwards my psychic toenail Aliens the Sesame Street episode on quantum logic the image in the mirror the voices coming from behind the radiator the Bible Code 'Them' and experience has shown me this source of information has never been wrong yet. My third and final point which brings points one and two together nicely and gives considerable weight to my original proposition is that I now believe female mud wrestling live goldfish swallowing misquoting Shakespere watching re-runs of "Lost in Space" juggling sand underwater yodelling wearing leather underwear must now be mandatory for all Pastors. Christians. Churches. lifeforms. Star trek scriptwriters. apologists. I know this isn't taking place yet, but should be in view of my interpretation of my tea-leaf readings Hezekiah 21:9 the Koran Nostradamus Mormon 2:18 the writings of L.Ron Hubbard the Ashaiac records River dance as performed by Dolphins which have been proven correct in all matter pertaining to faith by a drunk Ukeranian sailor I once met. 3 trained chimps. my special game boy given by aliens. my dog's trance state where he quotes Arius. tossing a coin. a blind dyslexic theologian with a hook hand for reading braille. psychic visions. my horoscope for December 28th, 1973. the local Unitarian church. Given, that these irrefutable points are without a doubt worthy of serious consideration, I hereby admit my proposition can only be considered true. Furthermore, my proposition cannot be open to negotiation, else this would lead to a return of normality people getting saved a revival of break-dancing the dark ages the Spanish inquisition interpertave dance Mr Bean the fat lady with a lisp who sings and plays the accordian nuns on pogo sticks which understandably the church doesn't want. needs to function properly. can't do without. doesn't care about. should welcome. wants to avoid. should welcome with open arms. Understandably you might have to read this paper again if you have misunderstood any of the points I use to clarify my original proposition. I hope the conclusion you will draw is that I'm a genius I'm a heretic I'm out of my mind on winegums I'm weird I'm harmless I'm absolutely correct I'm dangerous and I must be listened to kept away from sharp objects. locked up for the rest of my life. excomunicated. publicly burned. worshipped. tried as a heretic. made to repent. beatified. Thank you for your kind attention. I suggest you pass on publicly burn eat flush down the toilet add to the cannon of Scripture set to music build an alter to house this paper. Yours Sincerely, Weirdly, Mine & Ours, Passionately, Unconsciously, Flatulently, Reverend Archbishop Elder Pope Grand Archemandrite the stinky insignificant little 32nd Degree Worshipful Master His Royal Highness Sir B.A M.A D.D Ph.D J.W Pfffffffffffffffffffffffftttt!!! AbCDefGHijkLmNOPqrSTuvWXyz Bc.BBC,RAI1,RAF,RSPCA,Qed,obe
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