Subject: Tennessee
passes Biblical menstruation law
From: Joseph
Ari Mathea
Tennessee Pub Ch 542 (39-13-519 ?): [*23]
We the State Legislature of Tennessee, acting in accord with
the will of the people and the law of GOD, do hereby
mandate:
1. That any menstruating woman is unclean and shall
not appear in public; she shall stay at home
while on her period;
2. Anyone who touches a menstruating woman is unclean
and they shall wash their clothes and take a bath
and not go out in public again that day;
3. Anything a menstruating woman lies or sits upon is
unclean and must be washed and not used that day;
4. At the conclusion of her 7 day sickness, the woman
shall take either 2 pigeons or 2 turtledoves and
have the local preacher sacrifice them to the LORD,
as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 15:19-33.
5. Further, any man who copulates with a menstruating
woman has uncovered the fountain of her blood and
is ceremonially defiled. Both he and the woman shall
be exiled from Tennessee, never to return,
as ordered by GOD in Leviticus 20:18.
To provide for the fulfillment of the law, the State of Tennessee
hereby creates a elite menstrual S.W.A.T. team, to be called the
Kotex Commandos (KC). The Kotex Commandos shall do the following:
Tracking devices shall be installed in all tampons, maxi-pads, or
any other feminine hygene products for use during menstruation, so
that women menstruating in public may be apprehended. Further,
public tampon dispensers shall be disabled, and a special canine
unit (called the P.M.S. Pitt Bulls) will be trained to sniff out
and apprehend menstruating women who use illegal or modified tampons.
All women must register their menstrual cycle with the
Kotex Commandos.
Any woman caught in public while menstruating shall be incarcerated
until such time as her bleeding stops, and another 7 days to
ensure that she is clean. Any man caught with a woman's flowers
upon him shall be banished from Tennessee along with the woman
he had sex with. They shall be placed on the next Greyhound bus
leaving Tennessee.