My experience with Catholic Charities -- then and now

Then

I was sent to Villa Maria, which was the maternity home run by Houston Catholic Charities. The adoption agency was right next door. The building now is a place for runaway teens, called Covenant House.

There were approximately 40 girls staying there with me. Most were giving up their babies for adoption. Only 2-3 were keeping their babies. I found it ironic that the youngest girls were the ones that were being able to keep their babies, with their parents support. These girls were 14-15 years old. The average age of the girls there was 18, and most were in high school. My roommate, however, was 24 years old. I could not understand why she was there, and why she was giving up her child, when she didn't have to.

Every week, we had group counselling sessions and also private counselling sessions. The group counselling sessions consisted of girls complaining about the other girls. As I look back on it, I think we misdirected our anger at our personal situations. We attacked the other girls instead of attacking who we were really mad at -- the agency, the social workers, our parents, etc. Plus, there were strict rules in the house, and it was very confining to have 40 teenage girls together 24 hours a day. We could only go out between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m., if we went with another girl. We could not have visitors unless our parents put them on the visitor list. We could not go out on weekends with visitors unless our parents gave written permission. Needless to say, this created a very tense atmosphere.

Our private counselling sessions were a joke. We were all told the same things: how keeping this child would ruin our lives, that we were not fit to be mothers, that a wonderful, infertile couple was just waiting for our baby. We were not offered any advice as how we could keep our babies at all. If we resisted this "counselling", our parents and the priest who ran the agency were brought in to "help".

Needless to say, all the adoptions were closed. We were not allowed to choose the adoptive parents. We were allowed to see our babies, and have a picture taken -- right before we signed the relinquishment papers. I received a letter from a friend of my son's adoptive parents shortly after his relinquishment, through the agency. They said it was the first time that any correspondence between adoptive family/friends and birthmother had happened in their agency. I tend to think now, though, that they said that so I would not realize that I could have ongoing contact with them, even if it was just through anonymous letters.

Now

The Houston Catholic Charities has gotten better since that time. They now provide some open adoptions, and have a post-adoption department. I send letters, photos, and medical history to my son's adoptive parents through the agency. They still take out all identifying information, and I have to call a lot to make sure my correspondence was received by my son's adoptive parents. But, it is much better than it was.

If you or someone you know was a birthmother who resided at Villa Maria/Catholic Charities of Houston from 1-78 to 6-78, please write to the WebMistress.

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