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As I've said earlier, Jeff Becker, my son's birthfather, refused to sign the relinquishment papers for 8 days after my son's birth. My son stayed in foster care during this time. I finally got a call from the adoption agency on June 6, asking that I come in to sign the papers. I also had a chance to see my son at that time.
I was nervous as my mom and I arrived at the adoption agency. They led me into a room that was set up as a nursery, with a rocking chair, changing table, etc. The foster mother arrived with my son. I was really nervous -- I had never held a newborn before, and was worried that I might drop him or hurt him in some way. I spent 30 minutes with him, holding him, trying to memorize his face. I changed him, also, which was also a first for me. I was allowed a Polaroid snapshot of him, but not of us together. The hardest thing I ever had to do was hand him back to his foster mother, knowing that I was about to walk down the hall and sign over all rights to him.
I was led down to the administrator's office. He took out an audio-cassette recorder (there were no videos then!), and proceeded to ask a series of questions. Although the cassette recorder was there as "proof" there was no coercion, for every yes or no question I answered, the priest shook or nodded his head to indicate how I was supposed to answer. I found it particularly ironic that when we got to the question "Has anyone forced or coerced you to sign these papers?" the priest was vehemently shaking his head and mouthing the word "No"!
I signed the papers, because I knew I couldn't bring the baby home, and had no other place to go. After the months of "counselling" at the maternity home, I felt worthless and that I was unworthy of raising my own child.
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