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'Twas the month after Christmas,
And all through the house
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibble,
The eggnog I'd taste
At holiday parties had
Gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales,
There arose such a number!
When I walked through the house,
It was less "walk" than "lumber!"
I'd remember the marvelous
Meals I prepared:
The gravies and sauces
And beef, nicely rared.
The cider, the candy,
The bread and the cheese,
And how I'd never said,
"No, thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in
My husband's old shirt
To do daily battle
With dust, grime, and dirt,
I said to myself,
As only I can,
"You can't spend the winter
Disguised as a man!"
So away with the last
Of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake,
Every cracker and chip!
Each morsel of food
That I love must be banished
'Til all the additional
Ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie,
Not even two licks.
Now I only can chew
On celery sticks.
I won't have hot biscuits,
Or cornbread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot
And quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,
My life now's a bore,
But isn't that what
January's for?
Unable to giggle,
No longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all,
And to all a good diet!
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