How many folk musicians does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Four. One to
replace the bulb and three to complain that it’s electric.
|
How many country-western musicians does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Five. One to
replace the bulb and four to sing in harmony about how much
they’re going to miss the old one.
|
How many Bob Dylan fans does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
The answer, my friend,
is blowing in the wind—the answer is blowing in the
wind.
|
How many square dancers does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Four, and you have to
walk them through it a few times first. |
How many jugglers does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
One, but he has to keep
at least three other bulbs in the air at the same time. |
How many bikers does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Two. One to replace the
bulb and one to kick the switch. |
How many optimists does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
None. They’re convinced that
the power will come back on soon. |
How many pessimists does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
It doesn’t matter. They’re
sure that none of the available bulbs will work. |
How many members of a dysfunctional family does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Lightbulb? What lightbulb?
|
How many outside consultants does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
We should get the feasibility
study and the estimates sometime next week. |
How many policemen does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
None. The bulb turned
itself in. You can never find a cop when you need one anyway. |
How many reference librarians does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
I don’t know, but I could look
it up for you. |
How many firefighters does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Three. One to replace the
bulb after the other two have cut a hole through the roof. |
How many NASA engineers does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
At least seventy. But they plan it
for ten weeks, and when the time comes to flip the switch the weather
turns bad, so they have to postpone. They don’t take chances with a
lightbulb that costs three million dollars. |
How many building preservationists does it take to
replace a lightbulb?
One, but it takes several
weeks to locate an antique Edison bulb so that the restoration will
be architecturally and historically accurate. |
How many committee meetings does it take to get the
boardroom lightbulbs replaced?
This topic was resumed from last
week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action
items. It will be continued near the top of next week’s agenda. |
How many tree-hugger environmentalists does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Hey, if the lightbulb is out, that’s
way Mother Nature intended it! |
How many beatnik existentialist poets does it take to screw
in a lightbulb at the coffeehouse?
Two. One to do the job while the other
observes how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of
subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out
toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness. |
How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Billions and billions. |
How many dyslexics take it does to bulb a light change?
Eno. |
How many recovering addicts does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Just one who will admit his
powerlessness over lightbulbs. |
How many university professors does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
Six. Two to write a paper claiming
that light is a chauvinistic Eurocentrist invention, one to create a new
federally-funded Darkness Studies department, and three to organize a
protest at the nuclear generating station. |
How many Pentagon information officers does it take to
screw in a lightbulb?
At the present point in time
it is against national security policy and the best interests of military
strategy to divulge information of such a sensitive statistical nature.
Next question please. |
How many city planners does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. Four researchers to
write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250-watt
lightbulb, and one public relations person to release a story to the local
media praising the study. However, a summer youth worker who hasn’t read
the study puts in a 40-watt lightbulb. Then a union steward protests that it is the city
electrician’s job to screw in lightbulbs. |
