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Respiration
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not
breathe, you expire.
Respiration is composed of 2 acts. first
inspiration, then expectoration.
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Water
H2O is hot water and CO2
is cold water.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and
hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and
water. |
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Gases
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably
carbon monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not
found in a free state.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a
flame in a test tube.
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Earth Science
All tides are a fight between the Earth and
the Moon. All water tends toward the moon, because there is no
water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins the fight.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only
it is even deader.
The equator is a managerie lion running around the
Earth through Africa.
A planet is a body of Earth surrounded by sky. |
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Plants
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down
on them and makes them perspire.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection
against insects.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they
look like umbrellas. |
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Anatomy and Physiology
The body consists of three parts-- the brainium,
the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium
contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of
which there are five-- a, e, i, o, & u.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part
of Indiana.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides
have been taken out and the outsides have been taken
off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to. |
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Circulation
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries,
vanes, and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other. |
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Health & First Aid
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the
body until the heart stops.
Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no
ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large
misconception.
For fainting, rub the person's chest, or if a lady,
rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head
between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the
blood is affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down
over the nose.
For dog bite, put the dog away for several days.
If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the
nose until it drops in your throat.
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Definitions
Germinate: to become a naturalized German.
Liter: a nest of young puppies.
Magnet: something you find crawling all over a
dead cat.
Momentum: what you give a person when they are
going away.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: a large, empty space where the pope
lives.
Super-saturated solution: one that holds more
than it can hold.
Fossil: an extinct animal. The older it is,
the more extinct it is.
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