A woman called the Canon help-desk with a printer problem. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." She responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man working in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support:
"How much free space do you have
on your hard drive?"
Customer:
"Well, my wife likes to get
up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space.
Is that enough?"
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly. We have a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom requesting that I fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it. He needed to keep it.
Customer: "Can you make a copy of the Internet for me on this diskette?"
Some people pay for their online services with checks made out to "The Internet".
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls
that go something like this:
Caller: "Hello, is this the Internet?"
Customer: "So, that will get me connected to the
Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet,
right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh... uh...uh...yeah, right."
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash, it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before.
Now it doesn't work."
(Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed
his spaceship.)
Tech Support: "Click on 'File', then 'New Game'."
Customer: (pause) "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"