PROVERBS -
All proverbs were overheard in everyday conversation, and were spontaneously produced. One cannot create a proverb with the specific purpose of being immortalized on the proverb list... Thank you.

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• "As far as Africa is concerned, we are always in the Motherland."
  --Garrett Johnson, in explaination of why - as he claims is the norm in Africa - his birthday should be celebrated for a whole week.

• "I've never seen a car in the hospital (with a Caribbean accent)."
  --Paul "TriniPaul" Elcock, in explanation of why one should be cautious while crossing the street.

• "Thou shalt not fake the funk."
  --Mellie Mel, in reference to those who play the music but don't embrace their culture.

• "Sometimes, in being different, one becomes an ass."
  --Mellie, uttered in response to the many crazy fools at the university.

• "I'm American; I'm African-American. I'm as far from being Dutch as one could be. So I don't pay for my own shit."
  --Triza Cox, as to why she prefers not to "go dutch" on dates.

• "If you give me 10 quizzes then I'll flunk all 10."
  --Jackie, in a parody of song lyrics composed by critically acclaimed musician Snoop Doggy Dogg.

• "'Tis better to sleep in one's bed than in one's precept.
  --Jackie, on the merits of getting a full night's rest; at least 5 hours in college. (**NOTE: a precept is a small class to accompany large lectures)

• "You don't look at the mantle when you're pokin' the fire"
  --Jackie, in regards to the level of attractiveness of one's hook-up partner. (Heard in some random film; DOES NOT reflect her opinion).

• Jamaican girls are different -- they're from the sea."
  --Garrett Johnson, in reference to not feeling guilty about taking advantage of Jamaican girls (having recently suffered a natural disaster).

• "People who say they're trying to quit are p**** who cannot commit."
  Robin Williams' character in the film Dead Again, encouraging another to be more firm regarding his decision not to smoke.

• "You do need help if you're in love with a dead man you've never met."
  --The Ebony (magazine) "Advisor" in answer to a woman who is "in love" with Tupac Shakur.

• "Cross your legs NOT your fingers!"
  in reference to the stupidity of having unprotected sex and then hoping one is not pregnant

• "...then she don't go in."
  --originally spoken by Willy Wonka in answer to Mr. Salt's refusal to allow Veruca to sign the neccessary contract. **(ALSO in refusal to allow a young man to enter into coitus without the use of protection; pronoun must be changed)

• "Dude, don't say pig-f***** in front of Jesus."
  --all around good advice from Stan, a resident of South Park

• "Christmastime will always be, just as long as we have WE."
  --the narrator of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!"; in regards to the importance of being with loved ones, as opposed to having material goods, during the holiday season.

• "It's not wise to wait on black folk."
  --Jackie; while *eagerly* awaiting the arrival of "Ness" and his gold-toothed friend

• "If at all possible - never be an ass."
  --Mellie-Mel; in observance of the absurdities of campus life (e.g. wearing shorts in 40 degree weather and/or singing at the top of one's lungs when one is tone deaf)

• "Midgets don't have dreams and hopes. They're just little people. It's different."
  --Garrett; in justification of his theory that midgets would make the perfect servants

• "Brothers don't call back."
  --Jackie; in observation of the dating behaviors of African-American young men with whom she has come into contact.

• "Don't give holy things to depraved men (yourself to thugs)."
  --Gemahl; in comment on good girl/bad boy relationships.

• "People in hell want ice water."
  --Kathy Parks, my witty mommy; in response to her children's seemingly incessant cries of "I want______!! (insert superfluous/unattainable item, such as candy, toys, $10 million, etc.)

• "Make some noise. Don't be afraid of your own voice."
  --Mellie Mel; in reference to Queen Domino's somewhat timid directing style.

• "Two fools make a compound ass."
  --Melissa's Bunty (Gramma); regarding her Grampa's reactive and dangerous driving.

• "Never dance with a man who has breasts."
  --Mellie; in reference to an unpleasant experience on the dance floor freshman year.

• "Dancing is a contact sport for Black people."
  --Yvette; in reference to Black mens' aggressive style of dance (Sha-rand-lay in particular)

• "Compliments from ugly people just don't mean as much."
  --Jackie; in response to the fact that an ugly worker at the University Store deemed her a "cutie".

• "Trifes need not apply."
  --Triza Cox; a succint summary of her and Jackie's conclusion that one may compromise on certain desired qualities in one's search for a companion, but that some men are simply unacceptable. **Trife (n.) - One who/that which is triflin', or not about anything.

• "One should never really wear animal print..."
  --Mellie; in response to the classy woman in the leopard top hat (who was also wearing multiple bracelets of gold AND silver).

• "Everyone shouldn't clap."
  --Jackie; in frustration at the eagerness with which some rhythmically challenged individuals clap "along with" performers.

• "It's tough to have a dude..."
  --Mikey Liggiera; reflecting on the power of the penis (dude=one's 'pleasure rod')

• "Perjury over bull**** is bull****"
  --Chris Rock; in reference to the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

• "Calling a man for lying is like playing basketball with a retarded kid and calling him for double-dribbling."
  --Chris Rock; "a man's gonna be a man..."

• "For every 20 minutes sex, 3 hours of therapy"
  --Chris Rock; in reference to women who date Ike (Turner) and then Mike (Jordan) (One may substitute any violent psychopath for Ike, and any easygoing "nice guy" for Mike.

• "Every time a guy is nice to you, all he's doing is offering some..."
  --Chris Rock; self-explanatory.

• "You shouldn't mix drinks and Jesus..."
  --Jackie, in regards to the fact that Run DMC (who apparently sings gospel rap now) did a show at lawn parties, which is part of an annual three day, alcohol flowin' party weekend here at the university)

• "If you see a car full of geniuses, they'll all be sitting on one side..."
  --Melissa Parks, in reference to the fact that drivers are much more willing to take dangerous risks when it is the passenger side that may get hit.

• "Long distance relationships suck a big d**k."
  --Eugene DiStefano; self explanatory.

• "Make believe is for little girls and mental patients."
  --The boss on "News Radio"; also self-explanatory.

• "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken s**t."
  --An acquaintance of Linda Trip; in regards to the general efficacy of Trip's multiple plastic surgeries on her attractiveness.

• "If you don't want to look at it, you don't want it in you."
  --Nikki Giovanni; in reference to girls' desire to have the lights off during sexual intercourse.

• "You don't beat people to death cuz you don't want to screw 'em. You just say no."
  --Nikki Giovanni; as relates to unprovoked violence against homosexuals.

• "If you been fine, you ain't never been out of style."
  --Bridget Wright; in regards to light-skinned or dark-skinned men being in or out of style.

• "Don't put a brother down cuz his pimp hand is strong..."
  --Howard Stern (to my love, LL Cool J); re: not being angry with a young man who, like himself, is such a lady killer that he may try to steal a friend's girl.

• "When things get to be too much, turn around and tell someone to kiss your ass."
  --Melissa -- **though I don't remember the specific circumstances by which this was produced, I believe it had something to do with a certain silly administrator here playin' the willie bobo and making life more complex than it needs to be.

• "If they [young men] can't get what they want, they go for Brand X...
  --Cindy, regarding J.B.'s use of looseness to "lure them in" (like any guy would turn down some free stuff. you ain't special!)

• "It's a tough life dating a gay man..."
  --Carl; self-explanatory **(I would like to add that it's a tough life dating any man...)

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