1. How did you find out about your Deity?

  Newspaper
  Bible
  Torah
  Book of Mormon
  Koran
  Divine inspiration
  Dead Sea Scrolls
  My mama done tol' me
  Near-death experience
  Miss Cleo reading
  National Public Radio
  Burning shrubbery
  Tabloid Press
  Other (specify): 

2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

  Yahweh
  Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
  Jehovah
  Jesus
  Krishna
  Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
  Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
  Gaia/Mother  Earth/Mother Nature
  Satan
  Allah
  The Goddess (wiccan) 
  Artemis
  Santa Claus [Burle Ives version]
  None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

 Yes  No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:

  Not eternal
  Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
  Not omniscient
  Not omnipotent
  Not infinitely Universal (incapable of being all things to all people)
  Permits sex outside of marriage
  Prohibits sex outside of marriage
  Makes mistakes
  Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people 
  When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
  Requires burnt offerings
  Requires virgin sacrifices
  Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a Deity? Please check all that apply.

  Indoctrinated by parents
  Indoctrinated by society
  Needed a reason to live
  Needed focus in whom to despise
  Imaginary friend grew up
  Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense
  Graduated from the tooth fairy
  Wanted to look like Tammy Fay Baker
  Hate to think for myself
  Wanted to meet girls/boys
  Saw Sister Wendy on PBS
  Fear of death
  Wanted to piss off parents
  Needed a day away from work
  Like organ music
  Need to feel morally superior
  Think Rev. Jerry Falwell is cool
  Desperate need for certainty
  My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a Deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply

  L Ron Hubbert
  The almighty dollar
  Bill Gates
  Rajanish
  Baal
  The radical right
  Left-wing liberalism
  Ra
  Beelzebub
  Barney T.B.P.D
  The Great Spirit
  The Great Pumpkin
  The sun
  The moon
  The Stars
  That weird little Korean guy
  TV news
  Burning shrubbery
  Other:  

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. 

  Tarot
  Lottery
  Astrology
  Television 
  Fortune cookies
  Ann Landers
  Psychic Friends 
  Network
  Dianetics
  Palmistry 
  Playboy and/or Playgirl 
  Self-help books 
  Sex, drugs, rock and roll
  Biorhythms
  Alcohol 
  Tea leaves 
  EST
  AOL  
  Golden Apples
  Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
  Human sacrifice
  Pyramids 
  Wandering in a desert 
  Burning shrubbery
  Barney T.B.P.D.
  Other: 

7. God employs a limited degree of divine intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (check one)?

  More divine intervention 
  Less divine intervention 
  Current level of divine intervention is just right 
  Don't know...what's divine intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services?