The Daily Azwipe
Today's Tissue

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Shitty
  • Azwipes get their butss kicked by 11 year olds paying basketball in the park (again)
  • Students do stuff we don't really care about but which allows us to FILL SOME SPACE
  • Assholeciated Students meet and do nothing but it allows us to FILL SOME SPACE
  • Crappus Calendar nobody really reads but which allows us to FILL SOME SPACE
  • Full page cover of some pathatic nightclub for morons which allows us to REALLY FILL SOME SPACE
  • More irrelevant crap about sports which allows us to FILL SOME MORE SPACE

Half-Assed Opinion
  • Biased, illogical comment on anything that might make us look like we really know what we're talking about and claiming it's the opinion of the paper when in reality we don't really care if the rest of the staff disagrees or not
  • Juvenile, illogical, column on ANY subject by some moron who actually seems more like he's writing with one single malfunctioning neuron
  • Nauseating, self-serving stuff about how this moron thinks "Starship Troopers" is such a "cool" film or about how this other chick likes to watch professional wrestling (deep stuff, huh?)
  • Token insult to Saddam Hussein just to look like we know about world politics
  • Token insult to Bill Clinton just to look like we know about national politics
  • Token insult to Illegal Immigrants just to look like we know about state politics
  • Token column praising marihuana by the same moron who thinks "Starship Troopers" is such a "cool" film (do you see the pattern here?)
  • Token insult to people who bitch too much about parking spaces
  • The never failing token column prasing free speech and how this country is "based on freedom" written just after we censored a staff member who dared to criticize us
  • And, of course, our wet n' wild review on the WORLD OF PORN! by H.A. Lowermilk

Snorts (which is pretty much the same as Sports)
  • What? You actualy GIVE A CRAP about sports? Geez, dude! GET A LIFE!
  • And, of course, the token column bitching about how the students, who have to work to pay for the semester fees instead of chasing some plastic ball, DON'T SHOW ENOUGH SPIRIT

Farts (which is pretty much the same as contemporary arts)
  • Token review of some mediocre alternative band that only morons would listen to (which pretty much covers the vast majority in this genre)
  • Article about some Art exhibition by some moron who thinks that what he/she is doing is actually Art (which pretty much covers the vast majority of contemporary artists)
  • Token column bitching about some mainstream artist doing some irrelevant whatever the writer disagrees with as if the artist in question were actually going to read the column.



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NOTE: Although this satiric mockery of the SDSU CRAPPUS NEWSPAPER is aimed at amusing the reader, it also hopes to rise conscience about some of the VERY REAL problems at SDSU which nobody seems to say or do anything about. So have a good laugh, but keep in mind that if there wasn't a REAL problem to attack, there would not be a reason for this at all.