i'd like to know about you.

The Girl Story

Last week I met a girl, let's call her S to protect her anonymity. After inviting her to lunch, wooing her with my blatant sense of style and social graces, I invited her to a semi-formal. Of course, as most beautiful women would, she accepted. Boys, the secret to my success is: wearing expensive clothes, wearing expensive cologne, wearing an expensive watch, using a cellular phone, buying her a house.
I have already begun planning the wedding for Spring 2000. We should, at this point, discuss how beautiful, athletic women do not like fat computer-dorks. In a totally unrelated story this week, I joined Fitspace, the Binghamton University gym.
 

The Big Pants Story

To help today's cultured man feel at home with the masses, his fellow men, his homies, his posse, his peeps, his boys...the cultured gentleman must give in to his natural urges to be immature, have fun, and, at times, act in less-than-impressive ways. This, of course, is simply to give the impression that he is "one of the boys" to the other men. Around women, the cultured man is just that--cultured. This week, Paul dressed as a "Long-Island Coolio" by wearing Dave "Ladykiller" Hallett's huge pants. You can order using Dave's Pants Line by sending e-mail to Dave. By wearing the Dave Hallett Huge Pants, Paul immediately felt as if he were: 1. From Long Island.; 2. Cool; 3. A Player; 4. Wearing Nothing At All. Dave Hallett, we salute you. Without your big pants, Paul would be just another extremely awesome person with nobody to bring him down to earth.