The reaches of space are vast indeed.  Mortal beings, with the
possible exception of Giant Space Slugs who can slime a planet all at once
with their massively icky bodies (and would do so much more frequently if
only their bulk didn't cause them to be caught in a gravitational orbit of
their very own, and thus stuck forever going round and round in the same
empty space with nothing to do but contemplate philosophy and sun bathe),
discover themselves to be quite insignificant in comparrison.  This
doesn't sit well with mortal beings, as they like to feel important.  One
such mortal being was Princess Becker, who had so very recently tipped
over the chair she was tied to.
        The reaches of space are vast indeed.  Mortal beings, with the
possible exception of Giant Space Slugs who can slime a planet all at once
with their massively icky bodies (and would do so much more frequently if
only their bulk didn't cause them to be caught in a gravitational orbit of
their very own, and thus stuck forever going round and round in the same
empty space with nothing to do but contemplate philosophy and sun bathe),
discover themselves to be quite insignificant in comparrison.  This
doesn't sit well with mortal beings, as they like to feel important.  One
such mortal being was Princess Becker, who had so very recently tipped
over the chair she was tied to.

        "Not so prissy now, are we, Princess of Power!" barked Hordak from
his seat across the banquet table from where Becker's upright seat had so
very recently stood.  Three things about this Hordak character really
irked her:  Firstly, he always referred to her as prissy, although she had
never ever acted that way in his so called company; secondly, he had some
obsession with this Princess of Power, someone called She-Ra, and had
somehow managed to mix the pair of them up; thirdly, he had the most
disgusting bit of greenish stuff stuck between his front teeth and if he
opened his mouth one more time to show it in all its grossness to Princess
Becker she swore she'd just freak.

        "Shadoweaver!" barked Hordak, which was the only meathod of speach
he had as yet mastered, "Right the little prissy Princess of Power!"
        "Yes, Hordak," came the unenthusiastic lispy response of
Shadoweaver, who waited behind Hordak's left shoulder, supposedly in
obediance but actually, as Becker rightly guessed, to avoid seeing the
totally disgusting piece of greenish stuff stuck between his front teeth,
the very same one that if she saw it in all its grossness one more time
she'd just freak.
        Shadoweaver used her magic to pop Princess Becker's chair upright
again.  Becker saw the disgusting piece of greenish stuff stuck between
Hordak's front teeth, saw it in fact in all its grossness.  Becker
freaked.
        The way she freaked was this: she managed to emit a scream higher
than the pitch of sound that could be heard by normal ears.  The crystal
goblets on the banquet table shattered, and barking Hordak tilted his head
as if he heard something, and then started panting eagerly.  This of
course exposed the disgusting piece of greenish stuff again, which caused
the whole cycle to repeat itself.
        Eventually, with enough practice, Princess Becker was able to
develop a mastery of sound wave intensity, and was therefor able to
concentrate a blast of sound in any direction that would shatter any
substance known to man (except cafeteria food, which everyone knows is
indestructable), and was therefor able to shatter the green thing caught
in Hordak's teeth.
        Becker sat quietly for a moment, considering.  Then she shattered
Hordak's face.  Much better, she thought to herself as he laid writhing in
pain on the floor amidst lacerating shards of shattered crystal.  She then
shattered the chair that bound her.  Shadoweaver seemed partially inclined
to stop her with some of her evil magic, looked at Hordak on the floor
tearing his flesh up on the broken crystal and having a fantastic time
doing it, hissed a laugh to herself, and promptly disapeared in a cloud of
smoke, intent on seeking self fulfillment on the outer extremities of a
daisy pettle.  Becker shattered the banquet table just for fun.
        An alarm started up elsewhere in the bunker and she realised she
didn't have much time.  She considered calling for help once more, decided
against it on the grounds that her faithful supporters were a) worthless
boobs and b) unfortunately just too darn cute to shatter.  Sighing to
herself, she shattered a hole in the wall and made her own escape.

                *       *       *       *       *
        The Millenium Vulture was probably as old as the name implied.  It
certainly smelled as the name implied.  Smack wished everything carried a
name which implied everything which applied to it.  This is a difficult
concept and so should be followed up with a detailed example: instead of
Guy & Guy, former owner of Guy & Guy's Bar & Grill and current owner of a
queasy stench, it would become under Smack's new system
"That-Right-Smelly-Bastard-Who-Is-About-To-Die-A-Savagely-Violent-Death".
She explained her ideas to Arbourbot in a sealed off section of the rusty
old space hulk where the smell wasn't quite so overwhelmingly deadly, who
readily agreed, assumed the title of "She-Who-Is-Paramount-To-All", and
then accompanied Smack to the bridge to confront Guy & Guy.
        "First off, you Repugnant Moron," began Arbour in a roar only she
was capable of achieving, "You've gone and taken off, leaving our friends
behind.  Secondly, we," a slight gesture to indicate herself and Smack
"find you singularily repulsive and innappropriately stenchful- and for
the love of God you've got some disgusting greenish stuff wedged between
your front teeth!"
        Guy & Guy had, of course, two heads, and therefore two sets of
front teeth, and therefore two sets of disgusting greenish stuff, which
might just prove that Arbourbot and Smack were twice as tolerant as
humanly possible.  At any rate, he opened his mouths to reveal the
disgusting greenish stuff, and uttured an entirely obscene come-on to
Smack, who then exercised the implication of her name to such a degree,
repeatedly, that Guy & Guy's limp and broken carcass lay on the floor of
the bridge.
        A debate occurred regarding the future of Guy & Guy, with the
eventual result of him being thrown bodily, unconscious, into the last
remaining escape pod and then shot out into the vast emptiness that is
space.  A second debate occurred over who was qualified to fly the ship,
with the eventual result of the Millenium Vulture carening rapidly in the
direction of a white sun.
        The screams for help of the crew for two shot out across the
Galaxy.  Hordak tilted his shattered head again, as if he heard something.
A small worm on Delta Centauri was eaten by a Roofle Ding, but there is a
strong faction of scientists that instist that it was a totally unrelated
incident.  Princess Becker heard, but was inclined to take her time at
doing anything.
        That Swashbuckling Devileer, the Handsomely Adventurous all around
great guy Baron of the Cosmos didn't, as he was currently falling through
infinity in a transdimensional vortex, but had he heard we can all be
assured that he'd do his damndest to lend a helping hand.
        Astro-Cow tried to dislodge the mouth from his ass with little
success.
        The one eyed one legged fork tongued llama lay dead or dying on
the floor of the space-cop's space cruiser.  "Hey man! Try not to bleed on
the upholstery!"  The space-cop considered shooting the stupid llama,
considered the effect this would have on his upholstery, and then shot the
bugger anyway.
                *       *       *       *       *
        Things weren't looking good for our heros.  For even now, as they
toiled with difficulties of their own, the Dark Side was mobilizing a
campaign for Galactic Conquest.  Who was in a condition to stop them?
        In a backwater, out of the way space station/bar & grill,
Krauslich and Buckaneer Weiler enjoyed some of the finest fries they'd
ever tasted in their whole entire lives.

                Stay tuned next time for another fabulously concocted
recipy for adventure, excitement, humour and just all around good times,
the further heroic exploits of 
        
                THE EXCITING SPACE EIGHT !!!!!!!