Many older Arabs will remember with fondness the way The Post used to look. Some years ago the front page of the paper was radically altered to include a full match report. Before that, the paper was devoted to a column entitled "It All Happened Today!" This was a round up of all the days events in a crazy off-beat style. For younger Arabs, we have reproduced a few of the gems penned by this anonymous nutcase! Where is he now? And if released from his straight-jacket, come on DC Thomsons, bring him back!
Talent like this deserves a come-back.

• It was the kind of thriller which had the fans suffering from limp eyeballs by half-time. Hamish McAlpine stopped shots from all angles and Rangers must have thought he had hands as big as dustbin lids.

• When Rooney rounded keeper Stewart after half an hour and plunked the ball in the net, Rangers fans were as sick as if they'd eaten an unskinned hedgehog.

• Celtic went ahead against Airdrie before the teams had their chewing-gum properly softened.

• Reilly, racing in, scored from close range leaving the Ibrox defenders as bewildered as a colour-blind snooker player.

• It was clear from the early gusto of Rangers and Dundee United that the Nobel Peace Prize was not going to won at Ibrox. Milne opened the scoring after a quarter of an hour. Bannon gave him head waiter service.

• Rangers took the lead in 16 minutes at Parkhead and on Hallowe'en it was perhaps appropriate that a Swede scored.

• United could have free-wheeled with their feet on the handlebars after the break, but they continued to give the fans plenty entertainment.

• Snow and rain gave the pitch a tattie soup texture, but it didn't prevent St. Johnstone from dipping their bread in the gravy.

• It was the kind of match where you felt someone would need a teeth transplant before the end.

• By this time Killie fans felt their defence had grounds to apply for a Government improvement grant.

• The Tangerines kept casting their bread upon the waters and just after the half-hour they were rewarded with some toast.

• In the 52nd minute Celtic fans couldn't have been more surprised if they'd been drawn against Third Lanark in the next round of the Cup.

• Some of the Dundee players wore track-suit trousers under their shorts on a day when even the goalposts needed thermal underwear.

• Four minutes later Bannon took a corner, Gough headed it on and Sturrock with a cute head flick made it two for United with a goal as cheeky as a barmaid's wink.

• Dundee claimed a penalty when Clark dispossessed Mackie, but the ref said the ball was untouched by human hand.

• Rangers went in front against St. Mirren in 20 minutes when keeper Thomson half saved Bett's shot and MacDonald was lying handy to mop up the gravy.

• Two minutes later the spirits of the Dons fans fell with a thud like an Arab's wallet dropping when a Bannon cross was knocked on by Pettigrew to Holt whose left foot volley from 10 yards hit the net.

• Rangers fans showed that though booze is banned in football grounds, boos are still permitted.

• From then on it was a duel between Saints and the Doonhamers' keeper Ball. The old warhorse showed with some scintillating saves that he isn't ready for the glue factory yet.

• Just on the half-hour, Queens Park equalised with a blast from 15 yards which left the Saints' keeper looking like the Venus de Milo.

• With the Morton defence now running around like headless chickens, Dodds made it five with a diving header just on the break.

• The first half was as bad-tempered as a bag of hungry ferrets and Duffy of Morton was sent off.

• Sturrock, who at times had the Greenock defence running round like the contents of a spilled box of Maltesers, put United ahead with a neat flick in 70 minutes.

• A brilliant brew from United. They're made of girders.

• A Scanlon cross left McDougall enough time to have grown a moustache before tapping the ball home to put St. Mirren ahead.

• The Dens crowd roared like a tiger with toothache and scored the linesman's name off their Christmas card list.

• Right from the start at Love Street it looked like being a Cecil B. De Sturrock spectacular.

• Kilgour got number 4 for the Perth side in a scuffle when the ball was spinning around like a runaway peerie.

• Morton of Saints was sent for premature ablutions near the end after his second foul of the game.