Tannadice Street

An Everyday Tale of Ordinary People

It was crisis time at Lean's. Orders were dropping off and their sales were being overtaken by low life outfits like Killie Kwik Save and Jags 99p Stores.
Founder and chairman Mick Lean was in a rage as he slammed the door of his Merc and marched into the kitchen of his luxury home at Broughty Ferry, a suburb of Dundee whither they like it or not.
"That's it, he's finished! That bloody Gobsmack's gone too far this time!"
"What's wrong dear?", enquired Mick's devoted companion Doris.
"Ivan Gobsmack, he has blown that huge contract to supply fancy cakes to the Park Gardens. He lost out to a bloody Jam Tart company fae Edinburgh."
"Oh dear", sympathised Doris.
"And that's not all, he's been ripped off with that second hand bacon slicer he bought from Denmark, it's bloody hopeless" raged Mick.
"Never mind dear, I've made your favourite steak, egg and chips. Have a nice cup of tea."
"He'll have to go...." mumbled the chairman as he got wired into his delicious scoff.
Meanwhile the night shift at one of Lean's Corner Shops' major outlets were reporting for duty, and the mood was not good....
"Hey lads, I've heard some shelf packers who left here to work in Glasgow are making twice the money we are", said a disgruntled Hannah David, a popular lass from the cold meat counter.
"Maybe we should go on strike" suggested the young activist on frozen foods, Billy Badgio.
"Well I been on go slow for weeks" chuckled Big Goardan, an old friend of Ivan from his home town of Blethers in Serbia.
Suddenly a loud yell was heard from the Men's Toiletries aisle.
"What's going on here, break it up", retorted Mo Buspass, shop floor supervisor. "Do you lot realise we could be out of business soon? Get back to work!"
The next morning Mick arrived at Tannadice Street Head Office to see Ivan and wife leading the staff out into the company mini-bus.
"Hey Gobsmack what are you doing?"
"Ah Micky. The lads are feeling a bit down. As it is such a nice day I am taking them up to Campie to speak to the Sugar Puff bear. I think it will be good for staff morale." said Ivan.
Lean stormed through the front door knocking the diminutive doorman onto his arse.
"That's it! Emergency Board Meeting!!" he yelled.
Vice-Chairman and car park attendant, Pivot Smith rounded up the other Board members and they hastily assembled in the staff canteen.
"We are in deep shit. If this present bad run continues we will have to move to a lesser quality product. I say we get rid of Gobsmack." announced Mick.
"Aye!" declared the wooden top Board of Directors.
"I've not put it to the vote yet! You are a real bunch of pillocks sometimes", sighed Lean.
"Aye!" declared the Board.
Unsurprisingly the vote went with the Chairman.
"And while we're at it what about the new man. I'm keen on that lad that left us to go to Hunsbury's a few years back. Driftwood, yes Billy Driftwood was his name".
"Was he the one that used to wash your car once a week, Chairman?" whispered the Board member everyone forgets about.
"Err...yes, but that's got bugger all to do with it."
"If he's good enough for you he'll do for me" sucked up Pivot Smith.
"That's it settled then, Driftwood is the man. Meeting over!"
"But Chairman, who is going to tell Gobsmack", whispered Johnny Littlebill sheepishly.
"I'll take great delight in that," beamed Chairman Mick.
A few hours later Ivan returned from his training excursion at Camperdown Park.
"Ivan a quick word please", said Lean.
"Sure Chairman, hey these lollies you get up at Campie are top ace."
"Ivan, the Board have been thinking..."
"Well that makes a change....but funnily enough so have I."
"We have come to a decision", continued Mick.
"So have I" answered Ivan.
"Gobsmack. You're sac..."
"Lean I resign!"
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