The Dictionary to the Hackers' Dictionary

Since hacker and phreakz wanna-bes and the like and their weird habit of reducing everything to single letters (and occasional weird characters that are supposed to look like letters) seem to be getting more and more prevalent on the internet, behold our dictionary to their language. With a little practice, you too (U2) will be writing inane and unreadable messages with no brainpower necessary at all!

Just follow these simple correlations:

A--An indefinite article, an attention-grabbing shout, or Fonzie's greeting
B--A stinging insect, the basic verb, or a girl's nickname
C--Look!
D--A girl's nickname
E--An interjection of alarm
G--An interjection of surprised interest
I--First person singular
J--A boy's nickname
K--A girl's nickname
L--French for girl, or Spanish for he.
M--A girl's nickname
N--N indefinite article.
O--An interjection
P--No. 1
R--A pirate's favorite interjection
T--A drink with jam and bread
U--Second person
X--A prefix meaning "former"
Y--A question of motive
Z--German for C, or The.
1--Past tense of win
2--A preposition of direction, or also
4--Because
8--Eaten before

We're now ready for some basic examples.

When a stinging insect is nearby:
E! AB,C!
Asking a metaphysical question of that insect:
G, YRUAB?
The insect's response:
4IM.
The copycat moth interjects:
I, 2
I gave my Springsteen tickets to that ex-girlfriend you don't like. I hope you don't mind.
O, Y2K?
A peeping tom in the bathroom (c'mon, you knew this was coming) might say:
ICUP
The Country Club Tea Party door prize wasn't great, but Eva Fritzenmüller was happy, until she found out she was mistaken about her ticket number:
O! I1ZT! I...O, 9. 9.

If single letters don't get it done for you, try dipthongs. Try, for instance,

CQ -- look 4U.
[10]Q -- UR welcome, Bert.

Some deeper and more complex thoughts are now expressable:

My cousin Jason said you've been looking for this book. Anything you want me to tell him?
G, [10]QJ!
These two bottles are full of warm water. Do you need both of them for milk?
MT1.
A cocksure but hopelessly-lost-in-the-'50s boy's pickup line:
R! ICQ4ICURAQT.
The girl's response:
4Q.

You can also use the letters and numbers of another language (or at least, you should). EG, with Spanish, French, and one of the three bits of German I know:

[Sa]--An interjection of pleased surprise (or, shortened, New York for "of")
[Sb]--A large inlet of water
[Sc]--Speak
[Sch]--A Cuban revolutionary played by Antonio Banderas
[Sd]--What comes after night
[Se]--Canada's favorite interjection
[Si]--Interjection of displeased surprise
[Sp]--Exchange money for services
[Sq]--What birds and babies say
[Ss]--A paper, often for school
[Su]--An interjection
[S2]--New York for "those."
[S3]--What waiters bring food on.
[S6]--The gist of what one speaks.
[S15]--What someone named Keene relates.
[S1000]-- Breakfast, lunch or dinner
[Fx]--Many interjections of fright
[F1]--A preposition of location
[F2]--An interjection of disbelieving stupidity.
[F4]--The animal that sleeps all day.
[F5]--What the boat with holes did.
[F6]--The present tense of English C.
[F7]--Place down.
[F8]--A grain used 2 make bread.
[F9]--Garbled New York for a small, foam rubber football.
[F10]--New York 4 "these."
[F11]--Possesses.
[F12]--What U pay 2 belong 2 N organization.
[F13]--What waiters bring food on.
[F15]--What U buy preserved vegetables and soda in.
[F16]--The gist of what one speaks.
[F18]--The grain used 2 make bread, right here.
[F20]--Bigger than a car, smaller than a bus, multi-passenger.
[G3]--Not wet.

(Note -- French and Spanish a, b, c, d, i, p and u are identical.)

There must B more.

Try them out!

If you want 2 announce 2 a passerby your grain-eating habits:
A! U! I8[F8].
Don't touch that grain. It's my aunt's.
O! D[F11][F18]?
Damn! These platters are all wet. Now how do we transport our grain?
[Su]![G3][S3]4[F8]!
U seem awfully obsessed with grains. Is there any student-produced material on that desk I could read about grains?
ICA[F8][Ss].
Since Mike Keane is a hockey player, we know what his favorite interjection is:
[S15][Se]
That's Joey, my pal from Brooklyn. How do U say hi, Joey?
I[F16], "A!"
A, Joey, whatcha wanna trade?
1[Sa][F10]41[Sa][S2]!
Were U able to reimburse the grocer, Eva?
I[Sp]4Z[F15]2[Sd].
Susan Lucci after finally getting the prize:
[Sa]! [Sa]! I1NME!
Well don't U know, that's the sound of the men working on the chain gang:
[Su]! [Fa]! [Su]! [Fa]! [Su]! [Fa]! [Fu]! [Sa]!

And don't forget Greek letters. We can utilize them 2 add a little extra flair 2 that pickup line from above:
R! ICQ4ICURAQT[pi]

And finally, how big a moron MI for actually doing all this?
[omega],[F2]

If we do this right, by the end of it we could be confusing the hackers....

Anchored the Boring Homepage, 9/15/99-10/20/99.

Click here for the Opening Tirade Archive or click here to return to the Boring Homepage.

Michael Fornabaio---mef17@oocities.com