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AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal.
On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make
the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.
PISCES (Feb 19- Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the
CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for
flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people
screw small animals.
ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick
tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS (Apr 20- May 20)
You are practical and persistent. you have a dogged determination and work like
hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a god-
damn communist.
GEMINI (May 21- Jun 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual.
However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap.
Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (Jun 21- Jul 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems. They think you
are a sucker. You are always putting things off, that's why you'll never make anything of
yourself. Cancers will always be on welfare and never worth a shit.
LEO (Jul 23- Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are
bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are always thieving bastards.
VIRGO (Aug 23- Sep 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your
friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos
make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (Sep 23- Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you ar a man, you
are more than likely a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent.
Most Libra women are excellent whores. All Libras die of Venereal disease.
SCORPIO (Oct 23- Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a plu-perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck
since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope fiends. People
laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22- Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and
are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should avoid
standing still too long as Capricorns tend to take roots and become trees. Capricorns
usually sit around in the park and get shit upon by the pigeons.
To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson 
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
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