by: Rick Johnson 
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
RikJohnson@juno.com
CONTENTS
Go to Definitions
Go the the Vocabulary
Return to the Home Page.
Return to the Humor Page.
In any technology or field, there are a number of terms that are specific to that field. Even those WORDS that are common, generally have different meanings. Consider the word 'sinister'. In everyday use it means evil, but in biology/medicine it means the left side of the body. Reading this web-site will give the reader a number of terms that are new and unusual, therefor I felt the need to define them.
ALEXANDRIAN WITCHES- Those who follow the Craft as interpreted by Alexander Sanders despite the knowledge that, prior to his death, he had all but left the Craft and was into something entirely different. Many Alexandrians claim to have been Initiated by their conveniently dead Grandmothers.
ALTAR- The central area of the Magick Circle, usually, pushed to the north to make worship easier and more comfortable. They are often made of wood or stone but usually consist of a convenient coffee table, in which case the high point of the ritual is when the Altar is accidently overturned or when a new Covener drives the point of his Athame into the top of the table.
ASTRAL BODY- That immaterial part of the body that can be sent forth to observe distant events without regard of walls or distance. Many Witches do not like to think of the F.B.I. possibly possessing people who can astral-project. Other Witches approaching puberty wish that they could astral project, especially when they suspect the object of their love is being unfaithful or taking a shower,
ATHAME- A ritual knife used by Witches. It possess a black handle covered with signs of which the Witch pretends to know the meanings. During invocations it scrapes paint off the temple walls and punches holes into the ceiling. During particularly exciting rituals, it is often found to be accidently embedded in some portion of the owners body.
ATLANTIS- That mythical place that is supposed to have been an advanced society in the Atlantic Ocean. Because of the advances described by that obscure Egyptian priest who tried to impress Solan in order to get a better tip, many Witches claim descent from the Atlantian Priest-kings.
AURA- The energy field found about all living things. Its color and shape are used in psychical/mental/medical diagnosis and are therefore often misinterpreted.
BELTANE- One of the most important of the Sabbats. It is a fertility festival that one hopes will apply to the other person. Its date is always the First of May, unless it is the evening before, unless it is exactly 40 days after the spring equinox, unless it is on the weekend before or after the actual date. Timing is very important in Wicca.
BLESSED BE- The traditional greeting used by one witch to another. It is pronounced Bless-ed Bee and is often accompanied by a kiss and hug. Some Witches use it as an advertisement it attract attention and potential Coveners.
BONFIRE- The ritual fire that is made for the purpose of purifying the Coven (except for the last person over as it goes out), or to strengthen the Sun to ensure an early and long lasting Summer (except in Arizona). The most important part of the Bonfire rite is being able to start the thing. At this time, it is best if your High Priest is a Campfire Kids leader. If done indoors, the Coven discovers the major disadvantage of a smoke detector.
BOOK OF SHADOWS- The Holy Book of Witchcraft from which they take their rituals and religion. Each book is different and is either typed, hand written, computer generated, or encoded. If typed, it contains numerous typographical errors. If handwritten, you will be unable to read it by candlelight, if computer generated it will contain hundreds of fonts and no spell-check, and if encoded, you will forget the code.
BROOM- The most famous Tool of the Witch. Although used mainly as a symbol of the Goddess during Handfastings the Witch, upon purchasing the Broom will inevitably be asked by a relative, "Is that for cleaning or flying?"
CAKES AND WINE- The ritual feast that is held at the end of a rite. As it is a potluck meal, there will be many rituals where everyone brings the same thing, thus breaking a 24 hour holy fast with nothing but dessert or wine or bread. A healthy life and balanced meals are extremely important to the Witch. In Desert Henge Coven the official ritual meal must include chocolate and Ballatore. In a Promethian coven, the ritual foods must include a six-pack and the High Priestess.
CAULDRON- A pot used by a Coven for divination (if filled with water) or to jump over (if containing a bonfire). If the latter, it may have a large candle as a source of flame. These indoor bonfires last forever causing exhaustion among the Coven as it tries to jump it until the candle goes out. And when the wax melts inside the cauldron, the flame will be extinguished with a cup of water by a skyclad Witch ... once.
TO CENSE- The action of causing another Witch to undergo respiratory arrest during a ritual through the action of shoving a censer with too much incense under the Witches nose in an effort to purify him/her.
CENSER- A dish used to hold incense during a ritual. Their most noteworthy feature is their ability to run out of incense during the most critical point of the ritual.
CIRCLE- The Temple of the Gods, the physical boundary of which is a circle, nine feet in diameter, drawn upon the floor for protection and to contain energy. All ritual work is done within this boundary. If the Circle is, as theorized, a sphere, then the top one-and-a-half feet of the Coveners will stick out of the Circle.
CONJURATION- The act of summoning a non-material entity through the use of too much Ritual wine and 'funny' incense.
CORD- A rope used to measure the size of the Circle or to denote rank within the Coven. In some Covens, red indicates 1st Degree whereas in other Covens, red indicates 3rd Degree, thus causing some difficulty when guesting with other Covens who will wonder why a new First Degree Witch is the High Priestess?
COVEN- A group of Witches who come together for religious and magickal purposes. The Coven meets in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust, thus making it easy to disrupt same.
COVENDOM- Traditionally the area within three leagues of the Circle within which, all Witches will belong to that Coven. Like all other traditional rules, this one is ignored by anyone who chooses, thus proving how much we respect tradition and our history.
COVENSTEAD- The actual meeting place of a Coven. It is usually in a place made sacred by repeated ritual and holiness such as your living room.
COWAN- A term used by Witches to refer to non-witches. This is not to be confused with Cohen which is also a name of a non-witch.
CRAFT LAW- A set of rules that show a moral and ethical way of living. Their meanings are open to interpretation and are therefore selectively ignored.
CUP- A Tool symbolic of water and the female principle. It holds wine for communal drinking, making one to hope, at this time, that the person next to you has nothing contagious.
CURSE- The easiest type of spell to cast in order to remove a problem and therefore discouraged by Witches who always seem to prefer the most difficult path. Those Witches who enjoy cursing justify the act by saying that they are simply helping Karma out.
DEGREES- Levels of achievement, usually three in number. Whether achieved or ascribed, there is often an attempt to collect them, thus you have Witches who are Thirteenth degree Witches in their own Tradition as well as Third degree in four other Trads. These other degrees are always in a Tradition that the holder looks down her nose at. These Witches are also angered at the thought that their Thirteenth degree is only equal to a more Traditional Third degree. Let's face it ... the top of the pile is the top of the pile.
DEOSIL- The direction of moving clockwise about the Circle. Also known as Sunwise because the sun moves in that direction unless you are in Australia where it is called ... now lets see ... could that be ... or is it ... who cares except those down under who don't even have the good sense to have snow on Yule morning.
DIANA'S CROWN- The moon shaped headdress worn by the High Priestess during a rite. Men often fear for their privates when She stands up too fast during the Five-fold-kiss.
DIANIC WITCHES- Those Witches who place the Goddess as Supreme and all but ignore the remaining half of the population and divinity. They are often confused with Feminist Witches who are the same but don't want men around. Or is it the other way around?
DIVINATION- The art of foreseeing the future in order to prevent problems and to improve your life. This art is often ignored or, like the Oracle at Delphi, not understood until it is too late.
DRAWING DOWN THE MOON/SUN- The Witches version of voluntary possession by the Gods. It is little understood and often only a formality within the ritual. When it does occur, one hopes that the right God/dess will appear. Some Witches could take lessons from Voodoo or the charismatic x-ians.
ELDER- A Witch of sufficient Degree to be able to con the Novice into believing that he knows everything.
ELEMENTS- One of the five states of matter, earth(solid), water(liquid), air (gas), fire(energy), spirit(akasha). Most Witches never learn the difference between element in chemistry and element in magick, thus saying something for both the school system and the Coven training system.
ELVES- A creature that is of various shape and size depending on who you talk to. Some people say they are related to or ancestors of witches. There are Elf traditions of witches who claim, like most others, great antiquity but can't be traced back past the current Book of Shadows. Elves are neat to talk with when you can find them, but NEVER in the presence of a cop or your shrink.
ESBAT- The working holiday of Witches that must be held on the Full Moon or else, so it usually falls on a weekend that has nothing good on TV. More Witches have been attending Esbats since the invention of the VCR.
EXORCISE- To cause the house to stink so much from incense, water and salt that the demon, ghost, or unwanted relative leaves, hopefully before the Coven does.
FAMILIAR- A Coven totem animal, a Witches pet, a thoughtform, something for the media to photograph when giving an interview.
FATE- The Craft concept of Karma. It states that whatever will be, will be...unless you change it.
FIVE-FOLD KISS- The act of kissing various body parts in order to bless the recipient. This gets a bit messy when wearing Robes and both parties think of something else when Skyclad.
TO GROUND- To discharge energy into the earth as when you trip over the hem of your Robe during a dance. The rest of the Coven assumes that the collapse was deliberate and falls as well.
HANDFASTING- The Wedding of one Witch to another within the religion. It lasts for a year-and-a-day, or for as long as love lasts, thus showing our determination to make a commitment.
HEATHEN- A term of insult used by non-witches and therefore a term of pride used by Witches.
HEREDITARY WITCHES- Those witches who can trace the Craft through parent to child or from a conveniently dead grandparent to self, thus proving that they are better than all other witches.
HIGH PRIEST- The male leader of a Coven except in Gardnerian or most Alexandrian Covens where he is any convenient person with the right anatomy. Non- existent in Feminist covens who don't like to admit that men can be useful or enjoyable. Traditionals wonder who takes out the garbage in a Feminist Coven.
HIGH PRIESTESS- The female leader of the Coven. She often has power for no other reason than her wearing of her genitals on the inside which has nothing to do with skill or ability. But in this matrifocal religion of ours, who has the guts to say that?
HORNED CROWN- The Headdress of the High Priest, often consisting of a set of horns or rack of antlers. During Initiations, the new Witch often has her first glimpse of the Skyclad High Priest wearing his Crown, thus resulting in two actions ... first an uncontrollable fit of giggles, and second the new Initiate being gored in the ass.
HUMILITY- An awareness that the rest of Wiccadom should be aware that they are so much lower that yourself.
INCANTATION- A set of words or phrases that is designed to accomplish a set purpose such as to impress the Coven, even when the exact words are forgotten.
INCUBUS- A male sexual demon that is the counterpart of the Succubus which is a female demon that every male Witch who is entering puberty wishes to learn to invoke.
INITIATION- A form of rebirth used by Covens to give the new witch a sense of what is! In many Covens, they ease the stress to the Initiate to avoid troubles and recanting, thus the Initiatory rebirth takes on the appearance of a c-section done by a bored doctor. In more Traditional Covens the Initiation is deliberately difficult so that the new witch can brag about the 'horrors' they underwent to join the Religion.
KARMA- The eastern concept of Fate. It was developed in order to keep the 'low-life' in their place by saying, "Keep to the back of the bus or the next life will be worse." Many Witches prefer this to the more traditional Fate.
LIBATE- The act of pouring a drink on the ground to honor the Gods. This is done more often outdoors out of respect for the carpeting.
LIGATURE- The process of ritual binding with a cord to restrict blood flow and achieve sartori. This is normally done by Gardnerian Witches who everyone knows are into S&M, B&D, and M&M's.
MAGICK- The process of pretending that what happened was done by your efforts even though you know that most of the time it was coincidental.
MAIDEN- The sexy young girl in the Coven that holds her position because her bra size exceeds her IQ.
NATURE- All that is within the world, yet referring usually to trees, grass, psychedelic herbs and ignoring other things such as cactus, ticks, disease. Modern witches include within nature such objects as TV, microwaves, soft beds, wine, telephones, etc.
NOVICE- That person who is so interested in the Religion that they will undergo absolutely anything to join... unless the ritual happens to be on a good TV night.
OBJECT LINK- That thing that has had extensive contact with a person and so is vital to magickal process that a Witch can cast a spell on a person by possessing an Object Link of the target. Eclectic Witches claim to be able to work without them and other witches state that their object links that others possess are invalid.
PAGAN- From the Latin Paganus, meaning 'a country dweller' or 'rural person'. Now used as a term to identify those who follow a pre-xian religion. Paper wars have been fought over whether or not to capitalize the 'P'.
PENTACLE- The five-pointed star that Witches wear as a sign of identification. Witches never get used to xians who ask why their Jewish Star only has five points.
POLARITY- Two opposites who make a greater whole in magick. Gay witches pretend that two of the same sex works better though those of the heterosexual persuasion know that like all things, they are right and the rest of the world is wrong in absolutely everything.
PSYCHIC- Anyone who thinks that they can predict the future with a greater than average success. They always have an excuse why they don't break the bank in Las Vegas or win the lottery.
REINCARNATION- The process where a Witch was a King or Queen or some other famous person in a former life. If so, they are unable to explain why those leadership qualities didn't pass over into their current life.
RELIGION- The system of History, Structure and extremely rational beliefs that I follow as opposed to the system of myths, legends and irrational beliefs that you follow which is called superstition.
SCOURGE- A Tool that represents purity, domination, humility and a fun time for certain Witches of a warped persuasion.
SKYCLAD- The process of being naked in ritual or magickal work. It isn't nearly as exciting as most Witches would like to believe.
SPECULUM- A Tool that is used to predict the future, like how pregnant is the woman in the stirrups.
SPELL- Any set procedure of words and actions that seems ridiculous to the observer but makes perfect sense to the participant.
SWORD- The Covens answer to the Athame. Whereas the Athame is capable of damaging only the individual Witch, the Sword, because of its greater mass and size, can punch holes in the ceiling, dig paint and plaster off walls, knock candles onto shag carpeting and perform other feats of magick without which a ritual will seem empty.
TENETS- A set of beliefs, doctrines and principles of Wicca that are easily ignored because there are no threats included.
THEBAN- The 'official' alphabet of Witches. Most of the time the Witch will write his/her Book of Shadows or spells in Theban and be very proud of him/herself until the time to read the Book, at which time the Witch will have forgotten the conversion.
TOOLS- The sacred implements through which worship is performed. Many Traditions place great store in these objects, others feel that they are unnecessary. Most Witches are afraid that they possess more power than the Witch himself.
TRANCE- A state of being where the body processes slow and the mind is set free, often confused with sleep which occurs during meditation exercises.
U.F.O's- Unidentified Flying Objects that have been seen in the atmosphere of the Earth since the dawn of time. Flying Saucer nuts are always talking about how they are in communication with the Space aliens who are desperately trying to reveal their knowledge of peace and love and harmony to save the world. Unfortunately, the only person that the U.F.O's are able to contact appear to be an unemployed janitor on welfare or a Witch who not even the most liberal Pagan wants to admit knowing.
WAND- A Tool that is symbolic of air and the Horned God and is therefore phallic shaped. This Tool often results in penis envy among female Witches and massive insecurity among male Witches who wish that they were as well endowed as their Wands.
WITCH- An Anglo-Saxon term meaning 'twister'. To the Saxon who coined the term, it was a very bad thing to call someone. Modern Witches still attempt to rewrite history by changing the meaning of the word to 'blessed one' or 'wise one' or 'consecrated one'. Others attempt to say that twister was a good term. Few Witches are secure enough in themselves to accept the truth. That is that we did not have a name for ourselves and were forced to take whatever mane they tossed at us.
WITCH QUEEN- Any female witch who wants to be on an ego trip. One
wonders why, after bragging about their accomplishments, their Covens leave them for
greener pastures.
Return to Contents
ATHAME-- be careful with this knife or you may stick someone in the ath.
ALEXANDRIANS-- They only drink alexanders.
CIRCLE-- a square without corners.
CRAFT-- a small boat.
CROWLEYISM-- people who worship crows.
ENGLISH TRADITIONALISTS-- all rituals are done with an English accent.
FAMILIARS-- pagans who live together.
DRUIDS-- ancient pagan artists who drew many things.
GARDNERIANS-- they guard things, like their membership.
HEREDITARY-- a bald pagan.
NEOPHYTE-- the new member who wants to fight tradition.
HIGH PRIEST-- the one who drank too much wine before the ritual.
HIGH PRIESTESS-- the one who finished all the wine in the chalice.
PERFECT LOVE & PERFECT TRUST-- what you expect to get whether or not you receive it.
PROMETHIANS-- the PROMETH you'll never be the same.
SOLITARY-- a shy, lonely Witch.
TRADITIONALIST-- republican pagans.
WELSH TRADITIONALISTS-- they serve welch's grape juice instead of wine.
WESTERN TRADITION-- pagan cowboys.
WITCHCRAFT-- a witch's small boat.
Return to Contents
To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
Return to the Home Page.
Return to the umor page.
