by: various persons unknown (and who probably wish to remain in said condition)
compiled by :Rick Johnson 
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
RikJohnson@juno.com
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What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician?
Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veternarian?
Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub?
Self-Cleaning Coven----
What is a male honeybee's favorite magickal item?
The caul-drone
What kind of furniture does a Goddess worshipper prefer?
Wicker
Why did the Wiccan novitiate give up pork?
She thought the Rede said, "Chew what you will, but ham?--none."
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic Devil-worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
What's the difference between New Age and Pagan?
About $500.00 a weekend.
The definition of "SAINT":
"A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives."
What is a witch's favorite snack?
PAN pizza
What's a witch's favorite subject in school?
SPELLing.
What is one thing you never have to worry about?
Your airplane being hijacked by a group of radical Unitarians.
How do you scare a UU (Unitarian Universalist) our of your neighborhood?--
Burn a Question Mark on their lawn.....
What do Thelemites do for foreplay?
The LBRP.
Why did the Zen Buddhist get reincarnated as a Pizza Supreme?
He wanted to be one with everything.
What do you call a dating club for unattached Wiccans?
Craft singles!
Did you hear that Kraft was so offended by that last joke that they moved their macaroni
plants to Israel?
Yeah, now they're called Cheeses of Nazareth!
What do pagans put their trash in?
A wiccar basket
What do Christians put their trash in?
Their minds"
How do you get a nun pregant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What is a Promethian 8-course feast?
Roast goose, six bottles of mead and the High Priestess.
Why does it take 13 Witches to change a tire?
One to hold the tire and the other 12 to levitate the car.
What is the difference between a Witch and a marshmellow?
Marshmellows don't scream when you toss them on the fire.
Pagan Student: "Can you give me an example of divine retribution?"
HPS: "13 chickens sacrificing a satanist!"
"Sorry I wasn't in church last Sunday, but I was practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian"
HPS to Neophyte: "We do this Ritual skyclad, take off your Robe."
HPS to Maiden: "Now hand me the Sword."
Neophyte: "Oh, no you don't! I was raised jewish!"
Carpe Nocturnum:
We get more done after 2 a.m. than most people do all day.
If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?
What's Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
The Blessed Bee!
What do you say to an angry witch?
Ribbit
What's the difference between a Pagan and a New Ager?
A decimal point. What you'll pay $300 to a New Age practitioner for, you can
get from the local Pagans for $30.
How do you tell a NewAge witch from a neoPagan Witch?
You throw them both in the water. The neoPagan Witch will float, whereas the
NewAge Witch will sink under the weight of all their (overpriced) crystals....
What happens when a Cerimonial Magician gets angry?
He goes Qua-ballistic.
Why did the blonde pagan have a lasso?
She wanted to draw down the moon.
Why did the blonde pagan have a remote control?
She wanted to channel.
How can you tell a blonde pagan closed the circle?
There's white-out on the floor.
Domineering, cold hearted, vicious bitch seeks submissive, warm hearted, caring man for INTENSE love/hate relationship!
Did you hear, Easter is canceled this year - yeah, they found the body!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wicca!
Wicca who?
Wicca dance in the moonlight together, yes!
To contact me or to request topics to be covered, send to RikJohnson@juno.com
by: Rick Johnson
PO Box 40451
Tucson, Az.
85717
Return to the Home Page.
Return to the Humor page.
