Lots of University Jokes

How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1, but it never really gets done. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many Ryerson students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Ryerson isn't a real university.
How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.
How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 1. But he gets 6 credits for it.
How many Laurentian students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Sudbury looks better in the dark.
How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. One to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuclear-lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.
How many Western students does it to change a lightbulb?
5. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect JCREW outfit to wear for the occasion.
How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as any Queen's student.
How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out
How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. But SHE can't do it on Friday night.
How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?
7. One to change the bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.
How many Guelph students does it take to change a lightbulb?
7. One to screw it in and 6 to figure out how to power it on manure.
How many Mt.Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. One to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo of it.
How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Llava lamps don't burn out man!
How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
4. One to do it and three to translate the instructions.
How many Laurier students does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them. They make it a campus affair.
How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb?
There's a university in Manitoba?
How many York University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. One to take directions from the science student, the science student and one to philosophise about life as a lightbulb.
How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1. She screws everything why not a light bulb?

Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
With a restraining order.
What do you get when you drive quickly through the Lakehead campus?
An undergraduate degree.
What's the first thing a Carleton girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
Walk home.
How can you tell if a Trent student is a heterosexual?
He can outrun his roommate!
What does a U of T student call a Laurier student after graduation?
Boss.
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down? Naturally, the students were very upset...some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
Immigration.
Top 10 Reasons Why University is Like PreSchool:
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You never eat what you are supposed to eat, and don't eat what you're supposed to eat.
3. Playing in the rain is a completely legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You can't remember all of your classmates' names.
You know you've been in university too long when...
A Kilometre is not too far to walk for a party... You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it... You'd rather clean than study... You utter "Damn! How did it get so late!" at least once a night... Often you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal... Minesweeper (Snood, Counter Strike, or solitaire) is more than a game - it's a way of life... You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps... You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark... You live for getting your mail, even junk mail... Looking out the window is another form of entertainment... Prank phone calls become funny again... It feels weird to take a shower without shoes... You start thinking and sounding like your roommate... Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth... Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime... Your only source of money is Meal Points... The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday...