Women's Humor

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

*************************

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

*************************

He said, "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said, "Well, you succeeded."

*************************

He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said, "That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

*************************

He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

*************************

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.

*************************

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."