Jokes
Jokes
Picket.
What should you do if your nose goes on strike?
To eat the damn chicken.
Why did the humans cross the road?
No one cries when you cut an accordion into little pieces.
What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?
The ground.
What's the hardest thing about skydiving?
Because his father was in the pen and he didn't know what the sentence would be.
Why was the little ink drop crying?
...how do they get baby oil?
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil...
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
...does it become kitty litter?
If you throw a cat out of a car...
Because of the high cost of ammo.
Why did stamps go up in price?
...she thought Hamburger Helper came with a person inside.
She's so stupid...
When the batteries are dead.
When should you bury your walkman?
...he farts dust.
He's so old...
Hamsterdam.
What do you get when you mix a hamster and a beaver?
Pardon me, do you have any grey poop on?
What did one diaper say to the other?
Shark-infested custard.
What's warm, yellow and dangerous?
...so the third one ducks.
These two guys walk into a bar...
Because it was shellfish.
Why didn't the oyster give away any of its pearls?
...its only two channels are "on" and "off."
Your TV is so bad...
A leftover hot wings plate or a bird.
What has two wings and flies?
...he walked into an antiques shop and asked, "What's new?"
He was so stupid...
Nacho cheese.
What do you call cheese that isn't your own?
Because he had no body to dance with.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
No it'snot.
Do you think a tissue full of mucus is nasty?
I give my opinion, and you take it.
I believe in an honest give-and-take of opinions:
Antibiotics.
What do ants take when they're sick?
Good food, but not much atmosphere.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
to be a vegetarian.
I didn't get all the way to the top of the food chain....
I don't know the name of his other leg.
Did you hear about the man with a wooden leg named Smith?
The cow sat down.
How did the idiot die from drinking milk?
Mrs. Jones: No, she wanted to go.
Mrs Jones: My daughter's on a cruise. Mrs. Smith: Jamaica?
Frosted flakes.
What do you call three idiots stuck in a freezer?
Shredded tweet.
What do you get when the canary goes through the lawn mower?
All that work for nothing.
What is 10 + 5 minus 15? What is 3 + 6 minus 9? What is 17 + 3 minus 20?
Jeez, do I look like a chicken? Go ask a chicken, man!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It's called On and On Anon.
Did you hear about the self-help group for compulsive talkers?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call bacon that's been in the fridge so long, that it's turned green?
....she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
She's so stupid...
Because its butt was too big to fit in the ashtray.
Why did the elephant quit smoking?
So they went home.
Two idiots were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that said, "Disneyland left."
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