Jokes
She had an auto-body experience.
Did you hear about the psychic who had a car accident?
It took her a month to figure out she could use it at night.
Did you hear about the idiot who got an AM radio?
"You glow, girl."
What did the firefly say to another?
...I have to wipe my feet before I go outside.
My house is so dirty...
"Dang it, I'm talking to the mirror again."
What did Joe Shmoe say to Joe Shmoe?
He ordered a pizza with everyone on it.
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?
Repeat! Pete and Repeat were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left...
Pete and Repeat were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left?
...that there were no hypothetical situations.
Imagine, for a moment...
"Get me out of this box!"
If Beethoven were alive right now, what would he be saying?
If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!
What did one strawberry say to the other?
"Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"
What did the horse say when he fell?
Because Janet lost control and Michael didn't see the man in the mirror.
Why did Michael and Janet Jackson get in a car accident?
Because rude Alf, the Red, knows rain, dear.
Why does Alf, the bad Communist, stay inside when it rains?
He had a chicken stapled to his forehead.
Why did the hard rocker cross the road?
Joe.
Joe's mom had four sons. Three were named Penny, Nickel and Dime. What was the fourth son's name?
All of them.
Which month has 28 days?
Someone who wants to shave the whales.
What do you get when you cross a skinhead with an environmentalist?
I don't know the name of his other leg.
Did you hear about the man with a wooden leg named Smith?
Remembering what telephone booth he left his pants in.
What is Superman's hardest job?
Romeo and MOOliet
What do you get when you cross a Cow and Shakespeare?
...she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
She's so stupid...
To get to its Web site
Why did the spider cross the road?
...when it was born, the doctor slapped its parents.
That baby was so ugly...
He had to change his name to JNF-379.
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't get a personalized license plate?
"George, you're going down in history!"
What did George Washington's father say when he saw his son's report card?
Because they can't find extension cords long enough for their vacuum cleaners.
Why do witches ride brooms?
It felt crumby!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
...she'd have an eight-track.
If brains were compact discs...
The Gap.
Where does David Letterman visit the dentist?
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