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Last month we discussed the Grief Process, especially as decribed by Dr. Elizabeth Keebler Ross. To recap last month's article, we learned the Grief Process is a natural process. We also learned how the Grief Process is our friend, and how it protects us from the stressors involved in losing a loved one. Denial, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance of our lost ones are all part and parcel of the Grief Process. This month I would like to comment on the most common, and perhaps most misunderstood part of our grieving. Ever singles person on earth has their own list of trials and tribulations they live with. This is life nowadays. All people to one extent or another, attempt to learn and grow, or overcome their problems. In a nutshell, do not look to the Grief Process to make life any easier in coping with life's problems. The fact is that during the time immediately after the loss of a loved one, people may come together in the short run, looking for solice during their trying time. Shortly therein, as people begin to heal at their own pace, LIFE and it's inherent problems come rushing in and invade our lives. The death of a loved one can leave the strongest Marriage tested, or bring to it's knees the strongest person you know. With that in mind, it should come as no surprise, that the death of a loved one will strain the relationships in our lives. This is the point of today's article. "Don't Confuse the Issues". If you are encountering Marital problems, addiction problems, family problems, financial problems BEFORE the death of a loved one, do not expect the 'death' to aid in these problems. It will in most cases exascerbate the problems already in hand. So many people say to me, "I cannot get over the loss of (whomever), and now my (spouse) is being very cruel." After closer examination of the facts, it is usually a fact that all these problems were in full bloom BEFORE the death, and are now becoming more strained and out in the open due to the severe pain that acompanies us with Grief. Don't blame a bad marriage, financial problems, addiction problems solely on the death of a loved one. It's an easy trap. Learn to distinguish one loss from another, because in the end you may very well be dealing with more grief than you think. By linking all your problems to the most tragic loss in your life, everything becomes a loss of the same magnitude, and life is simply unbearable. This is were a good counsellor or Therapists can help you sort out your feelings and prioritize your life for you. When each issue is taken by itself and properly dealt with, you'd be surprised the great feeling of relief and freedom that comes with knowing everything is not collapsing. Take care of yourself. Don't expect of any person more than they are capable of giving. Don't judge other's by your abilities, or lack of abilities. Live in the moment, one step at a time. Don't mix medications with alcohol, and don't mix all your problems into one gigantic headache. As always, I look forward to your comments and be reached at geodoctor_cl@yahoo.com Have a wonderful Holiday Season; Geodoctor |
