I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Me, getting smart with you? - How would you know?
I'm not a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger near the escape key.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm merely a carrier.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life.
1. Never divulge everything you know.
2. ...
There are two signs of old age.
1. Forgetting things
2. ...
I'd explain it to you, but your brain might explode.
Tell me what you need, and I'll explain how you can get along without it.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
When you want to slow down and look back on your life, while you're looking, don't plow into a parked car.