"I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused...'It was supposed to be hot today.'"
- Steven Wright
You Know It's Hot Outside When... * You notice your car overheating before you drive it. * Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it. * Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside. * Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft. * You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car. * The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy" * Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one. * The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper * Your pool water starts to boil in the sun * The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot * Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans * A scalding hot shower still cools you down * You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man * People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames * A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants * The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves * You need a spatula to remove your clothing * When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts * You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather * You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible * You are sweating in both directions -- up and down! * Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell * It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets. * You burn your hand opening the car door. * You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. * You are sitting inside reading these jokes * Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips* Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
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