You Might Be From Michigan If...
(Taken from a Danny's grocery story flier, of all places!)
Just a
bit of self-effacing Michigan humor here folks. Comments in [brackets] are my
additions.
...you define summer as three months of bad sledding.
...you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder. [Al Kaline an outfielder? I'm too young, I thought he was a broadcaster!]
...you can identify an Ohio accent. [...not to mention dah U.P. dialect and the Canadian tongue, eh hoser?]
...your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of Stroh's and a bucket of smelt. [Ick! Who thought of that one?]
...if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town. [Only until we get it into the state constitution! ;-) ]
...if you know someone from "Porch Yearn."
...if half the people you know say they are from Detroit, yet you don't personally know anyone who actually lives in Detroit.
...if you know how to play euchre.
...if the Big Mac is something you drive across.
...if you believe "down south" is Toledo.
...if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop."
...if you drive 75 mph on the highway and always pass on the right. [Drive 75 these days and we'll run you over... my speedometer only goes to 84 mph and that isn't even cruising speed for some stretches between Detroit and Lansing!]
...if your kids Little League baseball game has ever been snowed out.
...if you know what a pastie is.
...if you learned to drive a boat before you learned to ride a bicycle.
...if you know that Mackinac rhymes with Mackinaw.
...if you occasionally cheer "Go Lions -- and take the Tigers with you!"
...if the word "thumb" brings to mind a geographical rather than anatomical definition.
...if you have ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
...if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was. [???]
...if you expect to get Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
...if you know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't too far from Hell.
...if your favorite holidays are Thanksgiving, Christmas and the opening day of deer season.
...if your snowmobile and fishing boat have big-block Chevy engines.
...if either your mother or your father disowns you for the week of the Michigan-Michigan State game.
...if your year has two seasons -- winter and construction.
...if you know what a "millage" is.
...if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
...if the change in your pocket is half Canadian.
...if you point at the palm of your right hand when explaining to people where you grew up.
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