Why God Will Never Get Tenure at a Secular Academic Institution
1. He has only one important publication.
2. The publication is in Hebrew (my Israeli colleagues will understand).
3. There are no footnotes and very few bibliographical references.
4. It was not published in a scholarly journal.
5. Doubts have been expressed as to whether He really wrote the publication by Himself.
6. He may have created the world, but what has He done since then?
7. The scientific community has been unable to repeat the results of His experiments.
8. He has never received authorization from the Ethics Committee to perform experiments on human subjects.
9. When one experiment did not achieve the desired results, He drowned the subjects to cover up the failure.
10. He comes to lessons but rarely, and thinks it's sufficient to order His students to "read the Book".
11. He sent His Son to teach in His stead.
12. He expelled His first two students.
13. Even though He has only ten course requirements, all of His students fail.
14. He refuses to grade on a curve and you have to score 100% to pass. But if any of His students simply ask, he gives them an undeserved "A".
15. Most of the faculty have no faith in Him, don't believe what they've heard about his past and don't trust him anyway.
16. No one has ever awarded Him a degree, not even an honorary one.
Thanks to Ray Strom for forwarding this to CRSnet. You'll notice I modified it a bit and added a few lines.
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