Am I Crazy?

During my years of therapy, as I struggled to resolve the conflicts that were robbing my spirit of the peace God had assured me was mine. I unknowingly looked to the church and Christian friends for my support and encouragement. For the most part the advice I received or perceived, only added to my struggles. On this page I would like to examine misunderstood ideas, what some of them are and why they can cause people to feel crazy.

In the beginning the tremendous pain that was pouring over my soul was so overwhelming. I feel like I slept, ate, and talked about nothing but the pain. So naturally, when prayer request came about I would stand boldly before the church and try to tell them some of the pain I was experiencing. But, I could tell by their prayers that they did not understand. Later, after the service was over, someone I admired greatly came up to me, put her arms around me and said "You just need to give it to God". It will be easier for you if you quit looking inside and just give it back to God when you find yourself snatching it away from Him." She patted my shoulder and walked away. She was the only one that came to talk to me, to offer me hope. Suddenly, I felt like a leper that had wandered into a clean church. I began to question myself, "Was I bringing this all on myself?" I left that day feeling completely hopeless and lost.

When I asked my therapist about it that week she only laughed! "Oh, yeah! Denial is the BEST way to deal with problems!"

"Well, if she was so wrong then why did it hurt so much? Why do I feel like I'm going crazy?" These were the questions tumbling through my head, I wanted to know.

She smiled at me, "Because she sees the partial truth, so it sounds right but in theory doesn't work. The truth is you need to pray and ask God about your problem. But in this situation He has a job for you to do. The hurt comes because in your heart you now you have tried this approach and it doesn't work."

I nodded. She was right. "But hasn't Christ told me that He would supply for my needs? That in Him I will have life… abundantly? Am I not making a liar out of Him by coming to therapy?"

"I suppose you could look at it that way." She had a twinkle in her eyes that told me she knew something wonderful, and knowing my therapist I knew she would share it with me, but was I ready to accept it? She continued, "But I get the feeling you are only looking at a portion of the Scripture and not the whole picture. What about '…fighting the good fight? (Philp 3:14)?' Or what about working out your salvation? (Philp 2:12) I believe the only thing God said was "free" was the gift of eternal life His Son gave. It sounds as if you are tying to "wish" your way to wholeness instead of working. I realize there are people that think if you just repeat this list of 20 or so things that you are "In Christ", your pain and therapy sesssions will end. While I agree that you need to know "who" you are in Christ, this knowlegde by itself will not take the pain away. Rather it is that knowledge coupled with hard work that you will begin to feel the pain ease up. "

This was actually starting to make sense to me. I really urked me that something that could drive me crazy during the week could seem so simple when confronted! She continued, " Please take time to ask God what His thoughts are. Many people have their own opinions, but the only one that matters is God's"
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