There was this time in my life when I felt quite empty. This came as a bit of a surprise since it was a time of blessing for me in all areas of my life. I had a good relationship with God, I was being lovingly supported by my family and by the brothers and sisters from my community Ang Ligaya ng Panginoon, Philippines, where I have been in for the past 8 years, and I was doing well in my job and my service in the community.

So I came up to the Lord in one of my prayer times asking what it was that was still lacking in me. Part of me already knew it wasn’t a boyfriend I needed and the Lord confirmed that. He led me to read Isaiah 54 about the future glory of Zion and it struck me in a tremendous way…

"Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says the Lord. Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities." Isaiah 54:1-3

The verse goes on and on actually about how God wants to restore his people but it hit me in a very personal way. From the first word, "Sing", which is one of my favorite things to do, my heart was already hit hard. Upon reflection, I realized that my emptiness was cause for gladness for in it was the sign of my ‘spiritual fullness’ that needed to be expressed! I was empty because I was not giving enough! The pain was actually "fullness", much like the pain of a nursing mother when she is unable to give her milk.

It also spoke to me of how blessed I am in my singleness. Instead of feeling "desolate" at being a single person, God wanted me to rejoice in it, recognizing the wealth of time, resources and talents I could all use for His service, without the limitations of being married. "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your curtains wide…" I felt envigorated, refreshed, as if God wanted me to learn much during this time and to be a tool in His hand for important work that had to be done.

Coming from a country where 70% of the population live below the poverty line which means they do not have decent housing or assured of having three meals a day, one does not need to look far to know where the ‘giving’ has to go. Once I get out of the house in the morning, travelling to work, it is usual for me to see a streetchild, some of them, so small, they have to tiptoe to see you through the car window. The immense poverty is so overwhelming that most people usually feel helpless rather than empowered to make a difference.

Once I knew where my ‘pain’ was coming from, I asked the Lord in prayer again for His guidance for where I could – give, and where the giving would make a difference. In all of this, He has answered my prayers and has guided me to help where I could. This happened 2 years ago and it took a long time for the Lord to transform me from feeling helpless to feeling empowered, as He is still presently at work. But since that time, I could say, my aches, although not totally gone, are now replaced with an indescribable fullness and hope for the people that I see need help and support. Every time I receive a letter from a child who has been happy for my support for his schooling, my heart feels a little more full and I actually wonder if it’s really him who’s at the receiving end!