One Woman's Story Theresa was a vibrant, independent, beautiful 22-year-old. She'd always been eager to spread her wings and explore the world so no one was surprised when she moved to a town three hours from home. Shortly after she moved, she started having problems with her roommate and turned to Bob, a man 12 years her senior. He took her under his wing, helped her find a house and generally was the person she began counting on for everything. After she had known him for less than a year, her family began seeing changes in her. The most disturbing thing in the early days of the relationship was her opinions were no longer her own. She was simply repeating Bob's opinions. Bob was right. Everyone else should just give in and realize that, she thought. Theresa's father, seeing how her entire personality had changed, wrote a letter saying that Bob was no longer welcome in his house. Her family didn't realize until years later that Theresa never saw the letter. Bob had been checking her mail and throwing away anything he didn't think Theresa should see. Despite the objections from her family, Theresa married Bob. Her birthday is December 18. Almost since the day she could talk she said she didn't like having her birthday a week before Christmas because her birthday got lost. So when they got married December 17, everyone knew this was not her idea. She never would have decided to get married so close to her birthday and Christmas. Also, she had always dreamed of a big church wedding. They got married in front of a Justice of the Peace and didn't invite anyone. She didn't tell her family they'd gotten married until a week later. Although the independent Theresa was still there and trying to survive, Bob's influence was too strong. She's a talented musician but he discouraged her from playing any of the instruments she can play. When she visited her parents house, one of the first things she'd do is head for the piano. Sitting there with her music she seemed as if she was in her own world, a world she knew she had to escape but didn't quite know how. He began selling or throwing away her personal belongings. She's collected giraffes since she was a young child and named them all - hundreds of them. One day she asked her mother if she'd seen "Jerry." Theresa didn't believe "Jerry" was one of the giraffes she'd taken with her when she moved, because she knew she would never misplace him. She had an Easter basket from the time she was a baby. To celebrate her first Easter in her new home, Theresa's mother gave her the Easter basket. Years later, Theresa asked for it again. When her mother said she had already given it to her, Theresa asked Bob about it. He admitted he threw it away along with some of the other keepsakes she couldn't find. He said they were old and taking up space. He also sold an antique dressing table that belonged to her great-grandmother. Some other examples of what he has done to her include: He sold her car when she was in an out-of-town hospital being treated for fibromyglasia (which, by the way, he said was all in her head). When she was in the hospital, instead of telling neighbors the truth, he told them she was probably with one of her boyfriends and that she's a whore. She didn't find out about that until her 10-year-old son asked what a whore is because he heard his friends' parents talking about it. (Theresa is a devout Catholic and would never sleep around.) The day her mother was having open heart surgery he yelled at her for not sending his mother a good luck card for her knee replacement surgery. When her mother was in the hospital recovering from a stroke, he refused to let her make the three-hour drive to visit because his elbow still bothered him from an automobile accident two years earlier and he needed her. (At this point, no one was sure Mom was going to recover.) He blames her because his son from his first marriage doesn't want a relationship with him anymore. (Theresa was Bob's third wife.) He calls her fat and lazy in front of anybody and everybody. He told her he was head of the household and she would go to his church (he's not Catholic) or she wouldn't go to church at all. He physically abused Theresa as well, but the point of this story is there are other kinds of abuse that may go unrecognized but are just as harmful. Theresa and Bob are in the middle of a divorce now because she finally found the courage and strength to say she'd had enough. I hope Theresa's story makes people realize that even if they aren't being physically abused, there are other kinds of abuse. I also hope they find the courage and strength to get out before it's too late. A very special thank you to Anne for sharing a story close to her heart. Back