A Typical Desi...100 Characteristics
1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save
and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are
50% off.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and
store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who
has moved out.
4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
7. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
8. You have never used your dishwasher.
9. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
10. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
11. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
12. You always leave your shoes at the door.
13. You hate to waste food.
14. You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of
used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers,
and jam jars.
15. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you
take every time you stay in a hotel.
16. The condiments in your fridge are either Price-Club/Sam's
sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal everytime
you get take-out or go to McDonalds.
17. Ditto paper napkins.
18. You never order room service.
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and
travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law.
24. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys
surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
25. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old. (And
they prefer it that way).
26. You don't use measuring cups.
27. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay
tax.
28. Your parents' house is always cold.
29. You reuse teabags.
30. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write
anymore.
31. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since
calling information costs 50 cents.
32. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
33. You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd.
34. You like your meat well done.
35. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask
if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
36. Your parents never go to the movies.
37. Your parents send money to their relatives in foreign
countries.
38. Your parents use a clothes line.
39. You've joined a CD club at least once.
40. You know someone who you think can
get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
41. You never discuss your love life or sex with your parents.
42. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
43. You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you're
never going to use them again.
44. You keep used batteries.
45. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
46. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
47. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents
from?"
48. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few
minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
49. You've been asked if you are a Hindu or if you speak Hindi
50. Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Ward appliances believing
they are the best.
51. No one you're related to is a music major.
52. You avoid motels, especially if there is an acquaintance
within a 250 mile radius of your destination.
52 You sleep on their floor.
53. When you type, you put a space between the last word in a
sentence and the terminating punctuation mark!
54. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream
at the top of their lungs.
55. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is,
each man is an expert.
56. You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car.
57. You grow your own vegetables.
58. You can't park your car in the garage, because you never
throw anything away and keep it there (just in case you need it).
59. You trust only foreign cars (accord or camry, metallic
green).
60. You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a
complementary cutlery set for listening to a sales pitch on
vacation timeshares.
61. 99.9% of the women you know, work in hospitals (Malayalees).
62. You cook in bulk.
63. You have bedsheets on your sofas.
64. When dining out, your parents think $1 is enough of a tip.
65. You recycle Christmas/Birthday gifts.
66. You head to the clearance rack as soon as you walk into a
store.
67. You buy clothes from K-mart and put it in a recycled gift box
from Macy's before giving it.
68. Your favorite brandname is "IRREGULAR".
69. The few silverware you have is mismatched and plastic.
70. You frequently get honked at by those stupid American drivers
who think they know how to drive.
71. You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store.
72. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
73. You think an Desi businessman will give you a better deal
because he's Desi.
74. You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live
there.
75. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial
no matter what she looks like.
76. Your dad thinks it's perfectly OK to hawk and spit out a
loogey on the sidewalk.
77. You use Vicks Vaporub.
78. The video tapes you rent are 10th generation copies and have
scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie.
79. You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial.
80. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.
81. You've had to swerve around animals grazing on the road.
82. You've been in a bus where half the people riding are outside
the bus.
83. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
84. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can
cut your mouth if you're not careful.
85. Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze
you.
86. You tape Christmas cards on your wall.
87. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at
home.
88. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.
89. You've never had a tanning salon membership.
90. You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" or a flashlight a
"torch."
91. You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way.
92. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting
India.
93. You've tied up your luggage with rope to keep it from falling apart.
94. You always take doggy bag home either dinning at restaurants
or at somebody's house.
95. Always try to procure all the latest items advertised and
then after few days return for refund.
96. If you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment
next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
97. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to
throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
98. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice
or one leftover chicken wing.
99. Whenever you are invited at a friend's house you always try
to take a quick tour of their whole house.
100. You always try to give advice to people when you do not
follow yourself.