Then at 19 weeks I had an ultrasound it was a girl, the technician left the room came back and told me they needed more pictures of the baby something about the umbilical cord, so I went home only to have several more ultrasounds over the next few weeks and even have a visit scheduled for a specialist to take a look at the baby. But everyone kept reassuring me that it was o.k only a minor problem what kind of a fool did they take me for, the umbilical cord was the babies lifeline how minor could it be! But I was 22 weeks and everyone would say after 20 weeks it is very rare for the baby to die. The books said it. I wanted to believe it.
My fiancé was very supportive we woke up early friday morning dressed our son and dropped him with the sitter. And then headed over to LDRP at the hospital only to be escorted to the way back in an isolated room far away from everyone else like my daughter my dream come true was a dirty little secret! I was there for 2hrs before they even started the procedure this vaginal suppository that is supposed to help you dilate well I got a fever and was very cold and at 12:30pm I asked for an epidural at 1:30pm still no epidural and another vaginal suppository at about 1:45pm they offer demerol. I say o.k just take the pain away please you promised I would be comfortable but they could not give it to me I had the chills and my blood pressure had dropped and I had a fever of 102 they started giving me freezing cold liquids very quickly through an iv and it was hurting and they had my head down and my feet up and they had the blood pressure thing on my arm and finally they said o.k we will give her some morphine so they did and it made me dizzy and I still felt the pain a little and it was making me groggy so I told them am I stable enough to get the epidural and finally I thought I was getting the pain relief that I had with my son my son an 8 pound 21 inch full term baby and i felt nothing pushing him out and was only in labor 3hrs and 42min. This time the epidural hurt so much going in and it hurt the entire time it was in the epidural was pointless well I was 2cm at 3:30 when they gave me another vaginal suppository and at 6:36 after 9hrs and 6min of horrific labor I delivered my daughter placenta and all screaming and crying in pain telling them they promised i'd be comfortable and for the past 15 min i had been in excruciating pain waiting for the anaesthesiologist to come in and fix it cause I was getting no relief well she came out and my blood pressure was very high I was crying and shaking and in hysterics they took her away to get her out of the placenta and brought her to me a little bit later.... 12.5 ounces (265grms) 11 inches long perfect from head to toe one eye open one eye closed not as small as I thought she would be not the color I thought she would be but it was clear that she was a baby she was a girl hair forming under the hat we took pictures, we video taped her ,and we baptized her.
I had my little memory box with her baptism paper and her foot prints and hand prints and id bracelet and pictures and her hat and her little dress just looking at the pictures and wishing things were different crying allot. But my back hurt from the epidural and I still had fever and my stomach was cramping and even though this just all happened yesterday it feels very comforting to know that maybe my story will help people know it does happen it isn't easy and don't feel it is a dirty little secret because these babies are babies they are gifts that you will treasure and they need a story a name a face cause you will never be able to forget or replace them and my BABY DAUGHTER HUNTER ELIANNA "PITTS" HOWARD IS A BLESSING AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MORN FOR HER, TO LOVE HER, AND I ALWAYS WILL. PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE NO MATTER HOW SMALL AND SHE WAS SMALL BUT SHE WAS LARGER THEN LIFE TO ME. THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN UP AND SHARE MY FEELINGS SO SOON AFTER MY TRAGIC LOSS I'M ALSO VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSSES...
