Air
Force Antics
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance
crews.
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside
main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland
very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on
this aircraft."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak
on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable
level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold
mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem
on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there
for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing
after brief search."
To The Funny Farm
