Written By Kenneth Kinder

The Death Of A Friend

Just a few weeks back, Alta my youngest daughter ask me to help her with a problem she had to solve. The situation that was troubling her was a Ford Ranger pickup truck that belonged to her husband Doug. This truck, a 1983 compact pick-up was his first vehicle. He was pushed or gently nudged into ownership of this truck before he was ready to give up his bicycle. I believe Doug was 17 when my daughter (2 years younger) was trumpeting the joys of ownership, that along with some of his friends coaching caused Doug to go against his better judgment and purchase this marvel of Henry Ford. After the passing of his first case of sticker shock, he discovered that his next challenge was to learn to drive. This was not one of Dougs favorite chores and even many years later he would rather someone else do the driving. He would rather be playing baseball or shooting baskets. This works out well with his wife, my daughter Alta who in real life would rather be a teamster than a soccer mom. In her defense I will have to state that she is an excellent driver and I have no doubt that she would make a great over the road long line, heavy duty trucker. As usual like Michener, I have to lay a lot of groundwork leading up to the plot of my story.

The problem that she had to deal with was the disposal of this little ranger. After his initial rejection of ownership many years back, Doug fell in love with his little truck. It was a one way romance as Mr. Ranger didn’t reciprocate the love that was so freely given. It began to nickel and dime him from day one but like a love sick puppy, Doug failed to recognize the symptoms that were so obvious to all his buddies. This gold digger was out to strip him of all his hard earned money and was doing a real good job before it committed suicide last month. We were constantly main lining the drugs of this trucks choice ( Parts From Pep Boys) until we were accused of being enablers. It started out like all drug users, small and inexpensive at first. A fan belt, then a thermostat etc. Then on to harder drugs, timing belts, brakes and rotors, tires and wheels and then the really hard stuff (A Rebuilt Engine). Even after supporting all these bad habits, Doug still pampered his first love with a new bedliner, fancy hubcaps, mirrors etc. I was thoroughly shocked when I found out the extent this self professed Republican conservative went too in trying to resolve the rangers drug problem. After many years of being dependent on main line auto parts, his little truck decided to do the honorable thing and self destruct. This happened on his way to Los Angeles, in the town of Bakersfield, a little over 100 miles short of his destination. Doug rented a car and continued on to his work and this is where Alta came into the picture. What to do with Mr. Ford Ranger? She then ask me to go along to either bring home the body, or find a place to bury the bones.

We decided to rent a two wheel trailer that I could tow behind my little mini truck to bring his baby home. The rental place told me my truck was short on brakes, so we needed a full size truck. We then ask my other son in-law John if we could borrow his king cab, full size Chevrolet truck. His reply was yes, so we filled the gas tank and went back to the rental place to once again be refused due to the bumper that John had on his truck. It seems the insurance company has had to buy a few of these bumpers after they separated under a heavy load. Time was now becoming important as it was past noon and we had several hours to travel before business places were going to close for the night in Bakersfield. We decided to forget the trailer to tow this cancer on the budget home after we discovered it would take close to 3000 dollars to have another engine installed. Much like open heart surgery, there still are no guarantees. Our next objective was to find a suitable burial site in beautiful Bakersfield. The pickup had been accumulating storage bills at the rate of 15 dollars a day, so it was imperative that we move fast.

We arrived in town a little shy of 5 PM. We had to make some quick decisions and after talking to the man in charge of the Shell station where the vehicle was stored, he said he would take it off our hands for the storage bill of 45 dollars. He didn’t remember there was also a 50 dollar mechanical charge against the truck for the mechanic to pronounce it dead. Alta asked me what do you think dad? I remembered back to the times my son Matt had sold some junk cars to the wrecking yards for 50 dollars and they would tow them away, so I said it sounds OK to me. She then ask if he would throw in a tank of gas too? He said no that was all he would give. Now Alta just did not like this man, just the sight of him and the way he stood firm on his cheap $45 offer..such an insult to a member of her family, so she said no and asked to see his phone directory.

Now with the directory and her cell phone she made a couple of calls before she contacted Ramon with Louies Wrecking Yard. After describing the truck, Ramon said I will give you 200 dollars, Alta replied we just paid that much for a new bedliner, so Ramon says I will give you 250 dollars. It is now after 500 PM and all the wrecking yards are closing for the night, so Alta said you have a deal Ramon; but you will have to stay open till we locate a tow truck to bring the body to the mortuary, Ramon agreed until 6:00. She then called this 1-800 number for AAA towing service and was asked the usual questions, where are you now located, and where are you going to be towed? She answered both questions but then was asked what is the name of the company you are towing it to?

Louie’s Wrecking Yard Alta replies. The AAA woman states that AAA will not tow to a wrecking yard, only a place of repair. Alta said, in that case yes they will do repair work. Great the lady said, the tow truck will be there shortly. While we are waiting for the tow truck, the manager of the Shell station, which I shall remind you Alta despises decides to go home. He is cranking over the engine of his 1980 piece of crap car that is the color of primer and it is not starting, so Alta said to him, for 500 dollars you could have that Ranger truck. He asked her, is that what you got for it? With a devilish grin she replied, maybe I did and maybe I didn’t. With that statement she felt completely vindicated about her dealings with this redneck.

The towtruck then arrives, hooks up to our baby and asks for an address. Alta gives him the street and number when he asks for a name of the place. She tells him Louies wrecking yard and he asks, does he do repair work? She replies he does for me, then tells him, we need to get there before 6 buddy, so let’s book it! The driver gets a big grin on his face and begins the funeral march to the grave yard.

When we arrive at Louies cemetery, three of his attendants that look more like gang members than funeral workers open the gate push in the dead body and close the door behind them. We then go in to deal with Louie. He has this wide smile on his face and says what did we agree on 150 dollars? Alta says no it was 350 dollars, so they both agree on the original 250. That along with the 50 that the crooked station operator forgot brought Doug’s inheritance up to 300 dollars. As we drove away, Alta had tears in her eyes as she said bye bye to the ranger. Alta was 14 when she first met Doug and she was 20 when they married. This little truck had taken them on a lot of their dates and held a special place in both their hearts; but like all good things its time had come. So we had a nice Italian dinner before saying Arrivederci to the Ranger and Adios to Bakersfield.

As you can see in the photo below, neither Doug, nor the Ranger have sense enough to come in out of the snow.