Terry's 3M's

Meditations, Mutterings, Madness

No, this isn't a new trend, I don't intend to title every entry.

Boy Lovers and Pretty Girls are the names of web rings created by and advocated by those who feel that sexual attraction to young boys and young girls is not wrong. They resent being called pediphiles. Excuse me? That's exactly what they are.

I haven't done as much research about Pretty Girls as I just heard of them. You can obtain more information about boylovers here.

Apparently one of these men feels that 8 is an acceptable age for a boy to have sex with him--'give or take a year'. Pardon me, but, I have a 7 year old son and if I caught an adult engaging in sex with my son--well, he'd better hope that someone called the police to have him arrested before I get the chance to get near him. Because, at the very least, he's going to the hospital.

Why am I so ferocious about this? What has this do with the Black Knight?

When I found out about this site, I went there to take a quiz and find out what it would reveal about my personality. The name of the site is Kingdomality and the quiz is identify personality traits.

This was my reading:
Your distinct personality, The Black Knight, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Your overriding goal is to win. You approach each task or situation as a contest to be won strategically and efficiently. Because you can control your feelings, it is not unusual for you to charm, as well as successfully delegate tasks and responsibilities to the more emotional types. You are often concerned with what's in it for you. You seldom involve yourself in activities where you can not foresee a reward for your investment or effort. On the positive side, you can be analytically empathic and logically persuasive. On the negative side, you may be unemotionally manipulative as well as arrogant, selfish and impulsive. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

After I thought about it, I realize that, to a large extent, I do control my feelings. It does Not however, mean that I do not have feelings.

What has all this to do with boylovers and pretty girls?

Everything. I learned how to control my feelings early.

If you're a member of my family, you might want to go to another page now.

When I was nine, my parents split up and I was sent to live with an aunt. Her husband, my uncle, was spending most of the time in the hospital. He was dying of cancer.

He was let out of the hospital for about a week around Christmas time. I was told that I must be quiet and that I must not do anything to upset him, and that I was to pray for his recovery.

He spent a lot of time sitting in a chair in the living room. When my aunt and my cousin went to the store or to run an errand, he would say that he needed something and when I got close enough to the chair, he would wrap his arms around me and stick his hands down my pants.

Here he was--dying, and instead of concentrating on his soul, he was molesting his 9 year old niece! Of course, I NEVER told his wife, or his daughter. I think the real reason was because I was afraid that I wouldn't be believed. Or maybe he told me that. It's kind of blurry.

That was when I first learned to control my emotions. I never told anyone about it until I was an adult. I never did tell my aunt, who died about 20 years ago. I stopped praying for him and when he died the following August, I felt guilty. I thought that perhaps he had died because I hadn't prayed for him. I carried that guilt in silence for a long time.

I lost my virginity when I was 14. I was raped by my step-mother's brother who was 20. Again, I never said anything at the time. I did tell a priest, but, he made it seem like it was all my fault and that the sin was mine. (That was the beginning of the end of my association with the Catholic church.) And if the priest thought that it was my fault, do you really think that I was about to tell anyone else?

I eventually did. A couple of years later when I was tucked safely into a foster home.

Are there residual effects? You bet. The one that bothers me the most is that I am obese. It's an ugly word that I loathe, but, it's the truth.

Roseanne Barr/Arnold/whatever gave an interesting explanation that rang true (to me anyway) in her autobiography about why vicims of childhood sexual abuse are often obese.

It's been 35 years since the first time I was molested. I had visited that same aunt for 2 weeks every summer before my uncle got sick. I know that he was around the house then, but, I have no memories of my uncle other than the ones from that week.

Will I lose the weight? I hope so. But, I went on and off so many diets that my metabolism is really screwed up. I know how to do it intellectually--but, I can't seem to get off my butt to actually do the exercise that would speed up my metabolism some.

Anyway, now you know more than you probably wanted to know about me.

Oh, and if you see one of those sites online, a letter to their isp or the to webmaster of whatever website that hosts their pages asking them to remove the offending site would be nice.

Thanks to for the border background.