Terry's 3M's

That title is also a link. I found the link when I was surfing yesterday. And it brought back a flood of memories.

Back in 1978, I was living in Newport News, Va. with my brother, Joe. I didn't have a job and prospects of finding one were slim. One of the options that I had open to me was to move to Las Vegas and stay with my parents until I found a job.

I spent a lot of time at the Public Library. My tastes in books can be quite eclectic at times. (If you want to see for yourself--go here and take a look at what I read last year.) From that library I remember taking out and reading--Sylvia Plath's journal (very depressing), Skinner's Walden Two, and a book about a community called Twin Oaks that was in Louisa, Va.

I was intrigued. I was fascinated. I wanted to go there!

And so, I did.

I had to write a letter explaining why I wanted to visit and why I considered joining this community. I have no memory of what I wrote in that letter.

But, I did go to Twin Oaks.

The bedroom was actually two rooms, railroad style. A couple from NY had the back bedroom and I had the front bedroom. I remember that the male half of that couple was the son of Douglas Watson. (For non-soap fans, Douglas Watson played Mackenzie Cory on Another World until his death. In 1978, he was still alive.) Since that time, there has been a new building built for visitors--with 2 bathrooms! [There wasn't even one bathroom in the building I stayed in back then!]

I remember bringing a gift. I had started an avocado plant and had transplanted it to a silver bowl--which it was perilously close to outgrowing. So, I gave it to the community in hopes that they could find a place for it.

I'm not sure now what I expected. I remember being somewhat influenced by the Skinner book and the other book. It sounded great on paper.

I think that the others in the community may have considered me a slacker. But, I think it was because there were large chunks of time spent doing work that no one saw me do. I remember being out in the orchard at 6AM, when most of the community was still asleep, and spreading pitchfork after pitchfork of hay around the bases of the peach trees.

I hated kitchen duty. Apparently, most of the community members did as well. That's why visitor's and the newest members were assigned to kitchen cleanup. And that was quite a chore. Did you ever try moping a floor with people coming and going through the room in a constant stream of traffic? And as I got up to work in the orchard or garden at 6 AM, I really hated being assigned to the 11PM dishwashing crew.

I didn't mind working in the garden. I do remember thinking that they should have harvested the beets earlier. But, I enjoyed the garden work that I did.

I learned how to 'cut' the stretcher ropes. That wasn't a bad job either. I needed to learn to 'weave' the hammocks better, but, I'm sure that that would have become much easier in time. In fact, it wasn't really hard...it's just that I must of looked away at times when I shouldn't because I sometimes missed a loop and had to go back and do it over again.

I even did some 'no credit' work--picking plums and pulling jimsan weeds out of the soybean field.

I had problems with the food as well. At the time, I was an advocate of a very high protein, very low carbohydrate diet. (I didn't know that that kind of diet was asking for gall bladder problems and that it would be a primary cause of osteoporosis.) I just felt that the carbohydrates were bad for me. Now it turns out that carbohydrates weren't the villian--but, the fat added to them was.

Still in all, even with the feelings I had about the kitchen work and the food, I felt that I could live with that--especially knowing that I could change assignments later and give input to the cooks.

I also knew that as a member, I would have my own room; be able to choose the work I wanted to do; be able to become a manager and implement some ideas of my own; go swimming in the river in the summertime; and enjoy a lifestyle out in the country.

So, what turned me off? Two things. I never got used to the idea that the rules did not allow for privacy in the bathrooms. I used to go from building to building trying to find a place where all the people were out somewhere else so that I could pee without someone walking in to take a shower or wash his/her hands.

The other issue, which would have ended up being a moot point, was the issue of children. It was a problem for me in the Skinner book and it looked to be a problem here. Children were to be raised in the community with a separate nursery apart from the parents. The woman on the membership committee that I spoke to was pregnant. When I mentioned that I liked what I had seen--that the children stayed with their parents, she told me that she didn't approve of it and was going to work to get it changed more in the lines of Skinner's ideals. (The reason it would have been moot is because that never did get changed and children still live with their parents.)

I think that the membership committee may have been glad to see me go--and I was delighted to leave. I wouldn't want to stay in a place where I would not have much to say in the raising of any child I might have.

In retrospect, it was a wise decision for both the committee and myself. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had had John while living there. It's possible that John would have born stillborn--as he would have been if he hadn't been delivered in time. And if everything else had gone as it did and John had been born in the same way--well, the hospital bills for John's birth were well over $130,000. Can you imagine what that would have done to the community's finances?

A lot has changed in the last 20 years since my visit. I would probably find the lifestyle more pleasant--and I have new skills which they could probably use. And while I probably couldn't convert anyone there, they would let me practice my Christianity without giving me a hassle about it.

As illogical as it may sound, as a person with a need for a lot of alone time, the community would be great. Many of the jobs can be done at different times when there aren't many people around. You can retreat to your room or find a place where there's no one around. And when you do need to be around people, they're around.

Rereading this entry just before putting it online, I realized that there was another thing that bothered me. But, I never would admit it at the time because I didn't want to appear to be prudish. Because I thought that it was a cultural "hangup". Because I thought I would get used to it. Nudity.

As much as I hated to admit it back then, the sight of a woman taking cookies out of the oven when she was stark naked startled me. And I don't think that I would ever become one of the women who took their tops off while dancing. I may have tried skinny-dipping in the river late at night--but, not during the day.

That's not to say that it was a predominant feature of the community. There were very few (perhaps 3-4) that did this. But it was considered acceptable behavior as long as it wasn't in view of cars that passed on the highway. That was pretty easy because most of the buildings sit a ways back from the road with the orchard between them and the road. And the river couldn't be seen from the road. My reaction to this was my problem--not the community's.

That little trip to the website has given me a lot to think about.

Thanks to for the border background set.