I know you'd like to say more than "I'm
sorry" but
really, it is the best thing to say. Those niceties
and platitudes,
or attempted humorous comments, are really unecessary
and sometimes
more hurtful. Comments like "it's better this
way" are
ridiculous--it obviously would have been better if the
baby had
lived. Or statements like "she's with the angels
now"
or "God needed another angel", etc. are just
plain foolish
and makes one angry at God--He certainly has plenty of
angels,
saints, etc. up there and didn't need this little one.
Saying
"I know how you must be feeling" also is
meaningless.
Unless a person has lost a child they have no idea how
it feels.
Also, everyone grieves differently and statements like that
just
drain a person, because suddenly they have to worry about
how
*others* are grieving, too.
Comments about having other
children are also inappropriate at
this time. Sure, down the road she
may have other children (or
she may not) but if she does it will not
replace the baby that
died. I know. I have two wonderful children,
but there isn't a
day that goes by that I don't think about Kevin at
some point.
He was my first. He will always be my
first.
Just a heartfelt, "I am so sorry that your child
died,"
is the best anyone can say. Saying that you are
"sorry for
their loss" is okay, too, but to me it felt like
I'd "lost"
something and therefore I should be able to
"find" it
again--making me feel responsible some how for
the "losing".
It is hard to explain, grief.
It is hard to know how people are going to respond to
it.