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Chapter 11. Memorable Adoption Dialogues/Interactions
One of the major jobs of anyone trying to place animals is screening potential adopters. Sometimes this is done through adoption applications. And sometimes it is done through personal interactions, meetings and/or phone conversations.
Over the years I have had thousands of adoption conversations and interactions with people. Following are some (but certainly not all) of the most memorable and/or the most typical:
An 85-year-old woman called one day seeking a "kitten:"
Me: "Ma'am, have you considered that an adult cat would be a better choice for you than a kitten? Kittens get into things, they are active, they scratch and playbite."
Caller: "Oh, no, I don't want an adult."
"Why not?"
"Well, you know after a cat is spayed, how they get that pouch under the stomach? I don't want a cat whose stomach sags."
"Well, I am sorry, but we have no kittens for you. We only adopt kittens in pairs."
What I wanted to say to this lady and didn't: Well, Ma'am at 85 years of age, I am sure you have more than a few things "sagging!"
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Caller: "I am looking for a small dog."
Me: "Can you tell me about your experiences with small dogs?"
"I have owned three small dogs. A Pomeranium, a Lhasa Apso and a Shih-Tzu."
"How long did you have these dogs? What happened to them? Where are they now?"
"The Pomeranian I gave to my friend when I moved. The Lhasa I gave to North Shore Animal League when I moved again. And the Shih-Tzu I gave to my parents when I came to New York."
"Ma'am, we're looking for a little more commitment than that in people we adopt to."
Caller (very indignant): "What do you MEAN? I loved my dogs! I am an excellent dog owner!"
Me: "Who gets the next dog, when you decide to move?"
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Caller: "I am looking for a kitten. But, she must be a semi-longhaired Calico, born under the sign of Pisces."
Me: "Ma'am, we are rescue. We don't breed cats made to order."
"Well, with so many cats and kittens out there, I feel I can be fussy!"
"Well, I am sorry, but we cannot help you. All our Calicos are born under the sign, Scorpio. And they bite."
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Caller: "I want a small dog for my 89-year-old mother."
Me: "The dog you are inquiring about is very young and active. He needs to run everyday. I don't believe he would be right for a senior citizen."
"My mother is in good health and very active."
I tried to picture an 89-year-old woman jogging in the park everyday with a young, bouncy Lhasa Apso.
"Sir, have you tried the Animal Control shelter? There were several small, very nice, older dogs there yesterday who had come in after an owner passed away. One of them would be a far better choice for your mom."
"I went there last week and the small dogs looked dirty and unkept. I want a healthy dog for my mom. The dog must be housebroken, quiet and loving."
Me (slightly annoyed): "Sir, its not the dogs' faults that the previous owners didn't take proper care of them. They can easily be cleaned up at a groomer."
"But, how do you know about the temperament? I can't take that chance!"
"Treat a dog well, and s/he will be loving and trusting. Why is this so hard to understand? Everything good in life involves 'chance' and risk. Animals aren't computers we can program! They thrive in a loving, nurturing environment!"
"I don't want to deal with your organization. You have not been helpful."
Me: "Whatever. That is fine, sir."
And I thought to myself that yes, this man will find a young dog or puppy for his 89-year-old mother someplace. And then that dog will come into the pound when either the mother decides the dog is "too much" to take care of or she becomes ill, goes into a nursing home or passes away. For sure, this man isn't going to take over care of the dog. He simply sees the dog as "therapy" for his mother or a substitute for his own lack of attention to her.
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Caller: "We are interested in your dog, Britney. We have two children, ages 2 and 5, two cats and a 5-month-old Labrador puppy. The dog will have to be good with our kids, the cats and our other dog."
Me: "That's a bit of a tall order. Britney is good with kids and ok around other dogs. I am guessing she would be all right with cats, but I don't know for sure. She is very mellow and gentle."
The next day the family came to see Britney who was a wonderful 5-year-old Collie/Golden Retriever mix. They brought the two children and their active puppy. Britney was extremely gentle and loving with the kids. But, she was reserved towards the jumpy, playful puppy. The parents told me they had just seen a young Shepherd who played great with their dog, but was too strong and exuberant for the kids. They felt, on the other hand, that Britney was not playful enough with their dog.
Me: "The problem here is that your desires are in sharp contrast to each other. A dog who is going to roughhouse with your puppy, also has to be very young and is likely to be too much work for you and possibly too rough with your kids. On the other hand, an older, mellow dog who is good with your kids is not going to be interested in roughhousing with your puppy."
In addition, there were the two cats to worry about.
I have an idea these people are still looking for the "perfect," chameleon-type dog.
Meanwhile, Britney found a wonderful, loving home with a family with two children and no other pets.
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One of the things that always amazes me in this work is how often parents put the adult job of seeking an appropriate animal for the home on to their children. Very typical are calls like the following:
Caller (childlike voice): "Do you have any Golden Retriever puppies?"
Me: "Um, no we do not."
"Do you ever get them?"
"Not really. We are rescue, we don't breed animals." And then sensing that the individual on the other end of the line is not understanding what I am talking about, I ask how old she is (something that could be invasive or insulting if the caller is actually an adult with a childlike voice and demeanor). v "Um, I am 8-years-old."
"Well, honey you need to talk to your mommy and tell her she needs to make these calls. We need to talk to the parents about which animal might be right for your home."
"Uh, OK. Thanks."
One has to wonder what parents are thinking when they put their kids up to an adult job. Do they take adoptions so lightly that they think it's only a matter of finding out who has the animal they are seeking and then picking the animal up? How are we supposed to discuss the intricacies of adoptions with young children? Do the parents also expect their young children to be totally responsible for the pet? Is it the child's job to feed, walk, train and care for the animal if s/he is sick? Is it the child's job to call the vet or pay veterinary and care bills?
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Caller: "I am looking for a couple of kittens to adopt."
Me: "Have you had cats before? Can you tell me about any cats you have had adult responsibility for?"
"Yes, I had a cat. She died."
"What did she die from? What happened?"
"She died from old age."
"How old was your cat when she died?"
"Three years."
"Three years? Ma'am, your cat did not die from old age! What exactly happened?"
"Well, she just didn't bounce back after the last litter."
"Last litter? How many litters did your cat have? How did she keep getting pregnant? Did you have an unneutered male cat in your home?"
"She had four litters. We did not have another cat. My husband would put the cat outside when she was in heat."
I told this woman that her cat most likely died from Pyometra, a deadly uterine infection which occurs due to an animal not being spayed or having too many litters. Obviously, we were not about to adopt new kittens to this lady. She never bothered to tell me what she did with all the kittens her previous cat had given birth to. Perhaps I failed to ask because I didn't want to know.
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Caller: "I am looking for a very small dog. It cannot be more than two pounds."
Me: "Two pounds? Are you serious? You are talking about a dog who would be the size of a two-pound box of sugar! A dog who is the size of a guinea pig!"
"Well, I am on the Internet and there is this website that advertises two pound dogs. But, they cost $2,000 and I cannot afford that."
"Ma'am, any dog that is only two pounds is going to have all kinds of medical issues and problems that would require a huge budget and bank account to address and treat. It is not natural for dogs to be that small. Even cats are bigger!"
"I want a dog I can carry around in my purse."
"But, Madame, you have to understand this is not just about what you "want."
Its also about what animals need. Dogs bred to be extremely anything - tiny, big, pushed in face, long back, etc.etc. generally suffer more physical or sometimes grooming problems that are difficult and costly to take care of. This website that you mention is obviously some questionable breeding operation that is out to make money by taking advantage of helpless animals and naïve people."
I wanted to tell this woman to go into "Toys Are Us" and buy a small, stuffed animal. That way the dog won't bark, shed, pee, poop, chew things, get sick or require further expenditures for food, veterinary care or supplies.
She could also carry a small, stuffed dog in her purse.
But, instead I told her to go to the animal shelter and look for a dog who was at least 15lbs. "You want to look for a dog who is sound and strong enough to rigor the challenges of life in the city and won't run you into "$2,000" or more in medical bills."
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Caller: "I am looking for one of those cats with the short legs."
Me: "You mean a "Munchkin" Cat? Why are you looking for one?"
"I want a cat who can't jump."
"Well, it is not true that Munchkins can't jump. If they want to get to a high place, they use various furniture parts as stepping stones. They have short legs, but they are still cats. And like other cats, they jump. Munchkins just make smaller jumps."
"Oh, dear. I don't want a cat who's going to be on my furniture or jump on my counters."
"Then maybe, you need to consider another type of pet - like a guinea pig or hamster."
Over the years we have gotten used to people demanding animals who "don't shed," "don't bark," "don't grow," and can't claw anything (i.e. those seeking declawed cats).
But, when the lady demanded a cat who "couldn't jump" I seriously wondered what else humans wanted to do to our pets. Was the next step a surgical procedure to remove part of the cat's legs?
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These represent the mere "tip of the iceberg" as obviously there is a lot more of this where this comes from. But, not to overwhelm for now, but rather to share. More later.