It was a dark and stormy night. Ok, I'm exaggerating, it was a dark night, very, very dark. It was back when I was a young active pup of 4 months. Why did I need to go to school anyway? I was so happy at home playing puppy games. I would jump up on people and shred their clothes with my teeth while they squealed with delight--boy was that game fun!

The Car Ride

Anyway, one night after I took Mom and Dad out for a walk, we got into the car instead of going back inside the house. I didn't know where we were going, nothing looked familiar, and then I heard a lot of barking. Was this the school Mom had told me about? I started yawning 'cause it was almost my bedtime and I think I was a little worried. Would this be fun? Were Mom and Dad gonna stay with me?

The (stupid) School

I must admit, I'm a little nervous about new situations. Well, a lot nervous. First we went to a grass area where lots of dogs were sniffing around and doing their business. I tried to mark this place as my territory but it would have taken me days to cover all the other scents. Then, we went down some stairs into a big room where there were people and dogs everywhere. I was, to put it mildly, overwhelmed. I looked around and thought it was gonna be very hard to be the boss at this place 'cause some of the dogs were three times my size, maybe four (I felt so little). It was so scary.

I tried my best to make Mom and Dad proud but my nerves got the best of me. I had a little accident on the floor and Mom came over and picked it up while everyone watched. I was never so humiliated in my life! From that moment on I decided I didn't want to be there anymore and every chance I got I lunged towards the door. It was exhausting and I could tell that Dad, who was trying real hard to keep a grip on my leash, was getting tired too. Finally, it was time to go home and I fell asleep in the car relieved that it was all over.

Not Again!

A few days later we went for another nighttime car ride. I became suspicious--Oh no! Not again! I couldn't believe they wanted me to show my face at that stupid school again. This time Mom was holding my leash. I felt a little more relaxed 'cause Mom is easier to control than Dad and maybe I could make a break for the door while she was busy talking. I still didn't understand why I had to be there--I knew how to sit and stay and I can lie down when I'm in the mood. One dog, a Borzoi, was so stubborn that they couldn't even get him to sit. Maybe he wasn't stubborn, maybe he was just smart! Another dog, a little brown girl with really short legs didn't have to learn 'down'--she was already there! I did get a few laughs when I wasn't busy lunging for the door.

The Big Man

There was a big man who was always in the center of the room with his really big dog. I guess this man didn't like my attitude 'cause he stood over me like a ferocious giant and told me to sit and down in a very harsh voice. Well, I was so scared that I just stood there frozen like a statue. He yanked on my collar which scared me even more. I looked up at Mom and she looked scared of this big man too and then I just started shaking. The man yanked again, and I shook even more. I had never ever been so scared before. I just wanted to go home.

There's No Place Like Home

And home we went. Mom and Dad and me. They never took me back to that stupid school again. I'm not exactly sure why, but I don't think they liked the big man in the middle of the room either (they're smart, my folks). And although I never graduated from Puppy Kindergarten, I was educated nonetheless. Mom and Dad bought books and videos and taught me everything I needed to know. So, I guess I'm a homeschooled dog.

I still wonder sometimes though, if the Borzoi ever sat down!