At Death's Door

To me, it was a case of being torn between two lovers. Both equally real and both pretty much set in their ways. But one was a Lover who knew me more than I could ever know myself; the other, a man I hardly knew at all. Both could provide for me, care for me, but only One could give me life everlasting, the peace that went beyond understanding, the hope that could conquer all fear. 

The fact that I stand today is testimony to the Lover that I chose... Jesus, the Lover of my soul. It was the most piercing experience to actually have such an in-your-face decision to make. To have to make a break on the basis of a different faith. His was a faith placed in the perennial wine-and-women arena, a life built around Mary-Jane and Illusions, one that is socially acceptable -- in some cases even welcomed as a sign of power -- but the King of my life had once come as a Servant to all. I made my choice, but it came at a price. 

Perhaps I was overly emotional after the breakup; but it seemed as if my hands acted contrary to my mind. I knew there would be a conflict of interest eventually, I just went on false hopes that it would work out fine. It didn't, and my mind malfunctioned. Self-accusations, throwing tantrums before God... Quiet Times were hardly quiet! I was suicidal... for some reason that breakup was against my will and yet I knew I had to obey God's will. 

For Christians out there who are unequally yoked, as per 2 Cor 6:14... I can understand your dilemma, I can understand your pain. But sometimes the less painful choice may lead to smashed hopes, dreams ripped apart, even love lost... your partner may be by your side but the sparks that once flew have now died and now you cling on to memories for dear life. All because of a conflict of interest; faith was placed on an imperfect person, not on a perfect God. Make your choice. Either one comes with a price... but the wages of sin is death. I was suicidal... I know death is real.